How to deal with loss of Dad

I lost my father just over 3 weeks ago. He was on holiday abroad & passed away in his sleep on the day he was due to return home.
I had to let family & friends know, deal with the British Embassy, sort flights & fly out with mum. My brother & his girlfriend met us there.
We found out that dad had a stroke in the early hours of the day he passed, but discharged himself from hospital due to flying home that day. He didn’t tell us though as he didn’t want to worry us.
We had a service & cremation abroad & we are having a service here next week with his ashes.
My brothers girlfriend was a nightmare. You’d have thought it was her parent that passed & completely hijacked all the emotions to the point we felt unable to grieve.
Now that we’re home I’ve been the one sorting the service and dealing with people.
I do want to grieve but I just don’t know how to. I feel like a ticking bomb about to explode & I fear that it will come out as anger at the wrong people.
I just feel so numb and even little things seem so hard to do.

Hi Li from Wales. Three weeks is no time at all. Dealing with paperwork and all that needs to be done puts us in a kind of robotic state so we just feel numb inside and seem to have few emotions. You will grieve, but try not to worry because you are not grieving as you think you should. It’s a big ask, but upsetting yourself over it won’t help.
Having someone like your brothers girlfriend around at such a time just makes everything more difficult. We don’t know what motivates some people when there’s grief even though they are not directly involved.
Everything will seem difficult for a while. There is no set way to grieve. Everyone does it in their own way, neither is there any set time. You have suffered a trauma and your mind has involuntarily shut down to protect you from pain. Why do you fear it may come out as anger? You sound a kind person so why would that happen? You should try and go with the emotions. You will grieve eventually, but the form it takes will be individual to you. If you read some of the posts on this site you will see what I mean. It took courage to come on here and that’s a big step. We all know and understand. If you feel you need to unload please come back.
My prayers and Blessings go out to you. Take care.

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I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, I lost mine on the 7th of November. He lived in Poland and died in his sleep. We had to fly to Poland and organise the funeral in the car travelling from the airport Friday and Saturday was the funeral. Myself and my brother had to pick the coffin clothes shoes the whole lot. It was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I grief everyday I will play his favourite songs look at photos just to help me think of him and cry. If I don’t cry for few hours I feel guilty angry I take it out on others. So I have to take myself to a place where is just me and my dad and that helps. Everyone griefs differently there is not right or wrong, you will in your own time. Maybe try and look for things like songs when your alone to help you it’s ok to cry. All my love Diana x

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