Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your father and are haunted by the image of his final moments. Struggling with sleep and difficult memories are very common and understandable parts of grief, but many people do find that bereavement counselling helps them to cope better with their emotions. We offer an online bereavement counselling service, where you can talk to a counsellor over video chat. It’s completely free and confidential. You can access it using your Online Community account, but you will need to fill in a form with some additional details and book an initial assessment. Find out more here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
Many people also find that talking to others who have been through similar experiences is a really useful outlet and helps them to feel less alone. There are many other users here on the Online Community who have lost a parent and will understand much of what you are going through.
You may find it helpful to read and reply to some of the recent conversations in the Losing a Parent section of the site to connect with others in similar situations: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent
If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, you can get in touch with me on firstname.lastname@example.org.