How to help my grieving partner

My partner just lost his last surviving grandparent after she went through a short battle with terminal illness. She spent her last few days in the hospital then was moved to a hospice.

My partner has always had a complicated relationship with that side of his family and he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to visit her in the hospital. He decided to do so and spent a few hours there.

He’s now deciding if he wants to go to the funeral or not - he was initially banned by her because he’d changed his surname so she felt like he’d disowned them but by the end she was okay with him going. I think he will end up going to the funeral. I won’t be allowed as she made it clear that anyone who she didn’t know would not be going. I didn’t know her.

I won’t be able to support him at the funeral (I previously did so for his uncle who passed recently) and when we went to view his body however as I won’t be able to do anything like that, I really want to know how I can support him in the house.

He has barely spoken about it and it’s really hard to guage how he’s feeling. He doesn’t show a lot of emotions and I’ve told him that I’m there for him and I’m here if he needs a chat. He was thankful but hasn’t said much more.

What are the little things that I can do to make sure he’s okay? The little things that can take some burden away from him to help him in these times?

We’re only 21 and he’s been through so much loss in his life - all his grandparents, 2 of his 4 uncles, a stillborn niece and a stillborn sister that I know of.

I really just want to be there for him without forcing him to talk if he doesn’t want to do so.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m lucky to have not gone through much loss so I’m really not experienced with this.

How lucky your partner is to have you on his side and ready to support him.

Personally for you I do feel it is a waiting game and that he will hopefully talk when he is ready. You might find it is fleeting conversations or random comments and observation that he makes. Just be prepared to listen.
As you have found this site maybe he would like to read some peoples stories and know that there are support groups here if you think it would help him.

Xx

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Thank you for such a quick and thoughtful response. I really just want to make sure he is okay, I wish I could be there with him at the funeral but I understand and respect why that isn’t possible. I just hope he feels okay to go himself if he wants to do so.

I will be there for him as long as he needs me so I will listen and wait for him to talk. It’s okay if he doesn’t talk too.

I’ll share this site with him after the funeral to give him a bit of time with his thoughts, you guys are all so supportive.

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Remember we are here for you too because although the loss is his, it can most certainly effect those close to him as you are now in a position of having to watch somebody you care about suffering……, no easy task

Take care x

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Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind :heart: