How to let it out?

Hi, my name is cerri I am 25 - married with 3 children.
I lost my father to suicide when I was 6, my mother died when I was 19 after suffering from lung disease.
I watched my 36 year old sister die, when I took her off life support after a brain hemmorage (I was 22). Then my youngest brother died at the age of 17, in a motorbike accident - I was 24.

I am on a lose dose of anti depressent to help with my anxiety mainly.
However the only way I have continued to survive and look after my children is my repressing all of my grief and carrying on.
This means it’s starting to come out in ways I would rather avoid, excess irritability and waking up hysterically crying in my sleep.

I have had councillors however due go the amount of trauma and abusive childhood many don’t seem to know how to help me.
I want to accept the past and move on, however I have no idea how to.

Hello Cerri, I want to give you a warm welcome to our Online Community. My heart goes out to you having read your story - it just seems dreadful that you have experienced so many losses in your family.
I suppose what has kept you going is having your husband and children around you. You should be proud of how you are managing to care for them, when you really need to allow yourself time to grieve for your mother, father, sister and brother.
Please try and tell someone how you are really feeling - it may help you to try and make sense of the past, and find the strength to be able to enjoy your own family.
With kind regards, Jackie

Hi Cerri,

I’m so sorry to read about all these losses - you must be living with a terrible amount of grief. It sounds as though you are starting to realise that bottling things up isn’t helping and that you need an outlet for your feelings.

Does your husband know how much you are struggling? It might help to talk to him so that he can support you.

I hope that it helps a bit to be able to write things down here and maybe to read some of other people’s experiences. For example, we have a post from Candy1960 who lost both of her parents (https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/lost-both-my-parents-due-car-crash) and one from Sludlum who lost her parents and her brother (https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/mumdad-and-younger-brother).

Perhaps a specialist bereavement support organisation might also be a good place to go for support. Here are a couple that you can try.

Cruse Bereavement: 0844 477 9400 or helpline@cruse.org.uk
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: 0300 111 5065 or sobs.support@hotmail.com

Keep posting here if you find that it helps.

Hello Cerri I am so very sorry for all that you’ve had to go through from such a young age. Is it any wonder you are depressed, I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel. I honestly don’t have an advice for you, but I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I do hope you find some peace. Take care and look after yourself. Libby x

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