Good morning , I am hoping to try understand why I feel like I keep self sabotaging myself and punishing myself with not taking other people’s grief into consideration withy selfish attitude. I lot my mum in November and I felt then that I was content with what was happening, I had so much to keep me occupied and was the go to person for everyone around me and felt that was my role. I feel the only person I had to look after me was my wife and she took on the burden and responsibility for that. I didn’t really give it a second thought at the time because mentally I thought I was content withy mum passing. Clearly now I feel as though I haven’t dealt with it the way I should of and now I feel self loathing and feeling I let people down with my actions and not being considerate. I just do not know how I feel I can’t put it into words I’m so so struggling at the moment to comprehend my feelings and self worth to yself and my family, feel like a burden and not deserving of love. So sorry for the long message thank you in advance
Hi @Craig82 . You sound perfectly normal to me, we all have these things to cope with, we could all have done things differently. But we are all human with human failings. I learnt, through getting involved with mindfulness, that I needed compassion – but to myself!!!
These thoughts are now in my past.
Have a look at this: Exploring the Meaning of Self-Compassion and Its Importance
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Here’s a great quote from it,
Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with your failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?
You did the thing that some of us men do and that is to be the strong , big boys don’t cry, I can sort this out and look after everyone person. Some of us blokes were brought up like this ,as was I, when a bad thing happens we feel like we should step in and try to be the cool head amongst the people who are panicking, the trouble starts when things calm down and we have time to analyse our own feelings on the situation.
You acted according to your personality and should not feel bad about it, your wife is a angel, look after her mate.
Very wise words Bootsie