My world has been shattered, we’d been together just short of two and a half years, we had everything in front of us and now suddenly I’m trying to make steps to arrange her funeral.
I’m trying to battle on for the sake of her, her family and friends, but I’m utterly destroyed - nothing in my life feels like it has any purpose without her.
I don’t even know what I’m asking here, I’m almost using this as a platform to put my situation out into the world, in a community where people may have experienced this devastating pain.
Hello. I am so desperately sorry for your loss. I lost my darling husband just two weeks ago. The pain and loss are horrific. All of us on here know exactly how you are suffering. I just take it one ten minutes at a time. Do whatever you feel like doing in any given moment. You have to look after yourself. If you want to go to bed, go. If you want to wail and shout, do so. There are no hard and fast rules and there is no time limit to grief.
Thanks for your reply Jean and I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’ve said similar but currently splitting the day into five minute blocks, the only issue being how many five minutes there are in a day.
My overwhelming feeling is one I’ve been robbed, there was so much ahead for us. I think I’m still at the stage of shock and trauma rather than grief, but I’m struggling with the concept of life without my soul mate.
Yes me too. He was only 62. It’s horrific isn’t it? My worst thing is going out and coming home to him not being here. I’ve only been our 3 times since it happened and each time it’s horrendous coming home.
It’s horrendous, I’ve never felt pain like it. I wake every morning and for a split second life is ok, before the realisation strikes all over again.
I’m trying to get out, I’ve thrown myself into running and have met friends within the confines of our home - but the thought of a shop, a pub, a football stadium, concert, etc - all the things we loved doing together - I don’t think I could face without her by my side.
One of my friends is visiting me tomorrow. I’m lucky I have a very close family. They have been amazing, bringing me meals and staying overnight with me. I love walking but the thought of coming home to him not being here is so painful, I’d rather not go out. How on earth do people get through it?
Hi, I’m so sorry the both of you are going through this pain.
I lost my partner suddenly in July. He was 32 and should still be here with me.
People tell you that time is a healer but all I have found is that I miss him more and more everyday.
This is the most excruciating pain that I have ever and will ever experience.
You have to do whatever you need to at this time to keep going, whether it’s going out for a walk or staying in bed all day. As hard as it is, try not to think any further ahead than the next hour, just take each hour as it comes.
I have a 1 year old puppy and she has kept me going these past 4 months, without her I’d have no reason to get out of bed in the morning and I have found that taking her for a walk has been very calming.
I don’t know how we get through this and I’m not sure that there is an answer.
Hi. I have four cats that give me a purpose. My husband loved ‘his boys’ and they have been a massive comfort to me. I just can’t get over the going out and coming home to an empty house. I m so sorry for your loss. I just don’t know how to get through and then what? What’s the point of ‘getting through’? He still won’t be here and I’m so frightened of Christmas.
Thank you both. It all feels completely pointless, this grief causes you loose all sense of purpose and direction.
We’ve been forced to navigate a new world that none of us wanted to live in and it’s a heavy heavy weight to carry all day and all night.
I still don’t sleep well at nights but the nights I get enough sleep dream about my darling Miles are the good ones.
I am also so terrified of Christmas/New Year approaching. I have told friends that I’m not doing Christmas and one of them responded by saying that I was almost trying to make an issue out of it. Nothing will ever be good enough without them here.
I have been staying with a friend since the morning my love left and at first I needed/wanted constant company but as time goes by, people stop checking in as much, especially once the funeral has been and I now use that time to cry, look back at old photos, write and put photos into a scrap book that I have started.
My Husbands funeral was 2 days ago. I now feel numb and empty. Nothing to organize. Lots of loneliness. Empty future.
No chance to say goodbye until he was sedated in icu.
Freak accident they said.
Will i ever feel normal again?
Just awful Jane and while I’ve yet to go through the process of the funeral and the aftermath; I can relate to what you are saying when it comes to loneliness and fears of the future.
I lost my darling Ken 8 weeks ago today, he had a cardiac arrest at home. I was with him and he went in my arms but the paramedics who were there in 5 minutes and were wonderful brought him back. But it was too late, he finally passed 3 days later with me at his side.
We were together for 36 years and married for 35, we were like twins who could anticipate each others thoughts and the pain of him not being here with me any more is overwhelming.
I have a lot of good friends who are supporting me and I have reconnected with my brother and his family who I had not seen for 14 years until today.
I also go to our local pub on my own now, we were there a lot so there is always someone I know in there
But, it’s still coming home to the empty house that really hurts. My cats are some comfort but each night I sit and think about all our memories and all the future plans we had and its ripping me up. I never knew I had this many tears that I could shed.
I know I need to carry on but I cant face thinking about the future, I cant really believe that this is it now forever
Hi Jasmine
I understand your pain so much. I hope you had chance to talk with Ken after his cardiac arrest. It sounds like you were soul mates. I felt like that about my Husband Mike. It was so much more than a marriage to us. We could read each others minds.
Is it better to never find this sort of love so you dont have to feel this hurt? Im trying to be grateful not angry but it is hard. Its 4 weeks tomorrow for me.
Big hugs to you xx
Hi Jane, no, he never regained consciousness. They put him into an induced coma but when they lifted the sedation they said his brain had suffered a lack of oxygen for too long and he wouldn’t recover.
I treasure those extra days when I could sit and talk to him and cuddle him though, I think it helped at the time.
Huge hugs to you too, it sounds like you and your Mike were just like us.
Although the pain and grief is immense I would not trade that for not having the amazing and loving life we had together, and I bet you wouldn’t either xx
Oh no. Thats so similar to what happened with Mike. He was on life support for 4 days unconscious and ventilated.
I hope he could hear me talking to him.
In the end he caught sepsis and they said his brain had been starved of oxygen. He was 55.
Yes i am glad i met him. We just had the funeral thursday. It was beautiful and brutal atcthe same time.
Taking it an hour at a time xx
Like you, I am not doing Christmas either - the very idea of writing a Happy Christmas in a card signed just from me is abhorrent. i am going to write an email honoring him at Christmas and send it to everyone instead. i hope that they will understand
I understand this train of thought. It is eating me up that I never had a chance to say goodbye, my world was turned upside down overnight.
I’ve not thought about Christmas yet as there’s still so much to do, at the moment I think I’ll try get through and ‘participate’ rather than celebrate.
