Good morning @Broken2222, I can imagine how you must have felt yesterday, my heart goes out to you. I know it’s hard, especially weekends, so many memories, too sad to think about. I just can’t look at videos of my husband, not just yet. I’ve had most of the photos on my phone printed, framed some of them, but still can’t look at them for too long. I end up practically screaming out my heartache. I actually have some old dvds that I tried putting on our DVD player, but it just comes up with ‘error - no disc’. It seems that gadget has also become a thing of the past like so many others, in fact, I am considering having all my family dvds and video cassettes converted to digital.
Hi , thank you . Yes it was hard . And kind of strange . I went to put flowers in book of remembrance . And only wanted to be by myself . But I felt numb all day . And as if it wasn’t me . i felt like I had stepped out of me and was watching me doing these things . Maybe I was trying to protect me or I could be just losing my mind ! . We have to try and hold on to any memories on video and cd we have . They might be hard at the moment to look at . But one day . They will give us comfort and help us remember . As time goes on I feel like my husband is getting further away from me each long and lonely day . Sending a hug xtake carex
Hi yes it’s definitely a roller coaster. I find myself pushing people away, declining invites and then feeling really angry at myself for doing so and the feeling of self pity , I hate it. I have two daughters who are my rocks but I feel like I’m a burden to them
At times and I think they have their own lives. I yearn for the life I had other them growing up even though it was a abusive marriage and I spent most of the time hiding what went on from them. I loved that hustle and bustle of routine and looking after them I do miss that but I also think it’s because I then feel I’m getting older. I think about death a lot and I wish it wouldn’t enter my head. I wish there was a manual that taught you how to live without your mum. I lost my job, friends dwindled off and back problems are a pain litterally. I feel
My life has changed so much physically but I feel free that I’m no longer a punch bag . Life can be so hard and grief hits at any time. X
It was my beautiful wife’s birthday on 23rd. I baked her favourite cherry cake. It broke my heart all over again. I sit by her grave and weep incessantly.
Hi Nigel , I feel so for you . We all understand the pain and the heartache we go through every day , but special days hit us so hard . I bet the cake was lovely . Hope you ate some . Thinking of you ,sending a hug , xtake carex
Cherry cake sounds delicious. Coffee and walnut cake as well. My husband was an excellent cook and also baked lovely cakes. There’s so much I miss about him. Too much to put into words that would express the enormity of his loss. Thinking about you all.X
Nigel, that sounds so yummy . I’m not a good cook and never really liked cooking . I do very little now . Good that you still do bake . I suppose it helps a little , on these long lonely days . Thinking of you xtake carex
How very sweet and brave of you @Nigel2.
Your darling wife must be proud of you. I still can’t bring myself to bake any of the cakes that my husband used to love. He was also a good cook, but he always left the cakes to me, he was good at the decorations.
I don’t even cook any of the special dishes he loved either, it doesn’t feel right that he can’t taste them. He loved my cooking, mind you a lot of the ‘special tips’ I know, I actually learned from him, and then I began to study lots of cookery books. I actually developed a passion for something I’d never bothered about. Before we met I could just about fry an egg, had never baked a cake before.