Hi. I really don’t know where to start. But let me try, i lost the love of my life just over 2 year’s ago now. My beautiful wifey Teresa passed away on the 27th of December 2020. After being in hospital for 4 weeks.
Before this tre had been trying to get seen by her doctors for months before. But they refused to have a face to face appointment with her. She feeling not write with pain in her chest, back, neck, throat and ears. But after call after call was told it was low iron and her Symptoms was all in a mind.
1 day before she was ruched in to hospital, tre was still working. But the next day didn’t have the strength to go on the Friday. She stayed in bed and on the morning of the Saturday morning got worse and called 999 to see what they said.
An ambulance was called out tre asked me to help her get dressed and i carried her down stairs. The ambulance come and done some tests and then ruch her in to hospital saying her heart was betting to fast. I didn’t even get a chance to give her a kiss.
With the first few hours of tre being in there i was told that she had a serious infection, with fluid around her heart.
But they was hoping to find out what was causing it and they were going to start her with Antibiotics. I was not aload to be with her. This went on for 2 days calls to try and find out what was wrong with her and was she getting any better.
I was told that i could come up and spend some time with her. For 5 days i was there 3 times a day. But then the first Friday after leaving to go get somethings for her, i had a call of tre saying mike you can’t come back up as i have got covid from being in hospital.
That was the start of the last 3 weeks of her life feeling all alone with no help from any staff in the hospital.
On calls everyday day to try and find out what was making her ill, just repeatedly being told it was a severe infection.
So on Christmas day i had a call about 2 pm saying that my wife had second cancer and she was to be put on to palliative care. She was told on her own by a single doctor with no Support or help. She was then left for hours alone. To try and process what had been told to her.
She didn’t want me or anyone else to visit her that night.
But then next day on calls told me she was coming home and to sort things out ready for her. But we thought we had weeks left with her. I still was not aload by the hospital to go and spend time with her.
But on the 27th all the texts from tre had stopped. I had been calling the hospital from 6 am to see what tome the ambulance was bringing her home. But just keep being told more test was going to be run first, and a doctor will call me at 9 then 10 then 12. I kept trying to call to find out what was going on. I then finally had a call at 3 saying that my beautiful wifey had taken a turn for the worse and they was not going to do CPR on her if she passes. I told the doctor i was on my way up to the hospital, he then said he would have to get permission from the sister. I told him i don’t care im come up now.
On getting to the hospital running in to my wife room i was in shock to see who she was. Slumped forward trying to get Comfortable as she was in too much pain to lie down. All The times we called I told yeah she was sitting at the end of the bed!!! never tolding us that she couldn’t breathe lying down or couldn’t get comfortable becauseof the pain she was in.
My wife finally fell asleep in my arms for 20 minutes before the pain woke her up again and that was the last few hours of her life. at 19:04 on the 27th of December 2020 tre passed away in my arms just after her 3 children had come to see her.
My life ended when she fell asleep for the last time.
I have never love anyone the way i love her. I just get up every day fighting with myself not to go to try and find her.
Even 2 years on its just getting harder. Today has been 2 years since we layed her to rest. And tomorrow is her 49th birthday.
I am so lost and angry with the doctors and the hospital. I had to fight to get her medical notes. Only to find out that they thought it was cancer within 3 hours of tre being in the hospital. But it had taken then 4 weeks to tell her. They even wrote on her notes do not discuss repatient all patients family.
They stole her life from us. The last 3 weeks of her life she was so lonely. So Scared. All she wanted to do was come home to her husband and her kids. They all had taken her last wishes away from her.
Why…
Oh @Mikeb
I am SO, SO sorry for what you have been through. It sounds unbelievably painful to have watched your darling wife go through so much and not be able to be with her for a lot of it. Thankfully, she knew you were there at the bend, which will have helped her I’m sure. I know I would rather have died in my husbands arms that whatever will happen when the time comes.
Please keep messaging here as you will find people who understand and can be here to support you. We have all been through different experiences but the ultimate loss of our darling husbands / wives / partners is all the same and not something easily understood by those who have not experienced it.
Sending you love. xxx
Mike,
I am so sorry to read your story and just so sad for you and your wife. Wish I could say something that would help but sometimes there just are literally no words. It is just atrocious that you both had that experience. I feel so badly for you.
Hi mikeb,
I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really frustrated by it all at the moment.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, [Name], get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
I am so pleased you talked about this after all this time. It must be really hard for you to bear ! And you have been really brave !!! Why dont the hospital tell you that they susoect cancer ! How dare they play God with our loved ones lives !
Things have to change ! We are living in 2022 not the 1950’s !!! Its flipping ridiculous.
I hope talking about it and sharing your story has helped you. It has helped me seeing other peoples stories and doesnt make me feel so alone with my grief 
I tried asking the gp for help and support and was told that that dont do any counciling.
So very sorry to read this it made me cry again . My partner was told by a consultant whilst I was out of room ( I had previously asked him not to ) that he had a month left at the most , he then died less than 2 weeks later after getting him home for last 3 days , funeral 3 rd march I hope I can stay strong for him , been in a complete mess since he dies 6/2 2023 , trying to keep his Irish family happy so organising 2 services same day xxx much love to you , it’s so hard to get up every day , the missing is horrendous, heartbreaking and unbelievable xxxx
@Mikeb think you just need to get your gp to refer u for councelling they shoukd have at leaat pointed you towards cruise cruise . Tge good grief site is useful for finding other sources of help. https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/. I have used both services and found they. helped me in the early days. I jnow i am gojng to carry this grief with mecnow until the endcof my days, but i do look for crumbs of joy to distract and hep me with this grief pain burden. Stay safe my friend.
Or theres cruse bereavment helplinev… i found them really good u know … u can do text chat … they are really good i think ! Very compassionate! Used them a lot in my first month of bereavment xxx
Thank you i will look in to them.
Sorry for you loss too.
Or try cruse bereavement ? They very good … u an chat online- ithought they were very good xx
I am on long waiting list for cruse bereavement counselling and told to text Samaritans in meantime.
You can go in cruse bereavment chat line too between 9 - 9pm Monday to friday ! I found them so helpful in early days especially when my heart was breaking after loss of my darling husband xxx
@Mikeb the counselling through Sue Ryder is very good too. You get 6 free sessions. I had to wait a few weeks but can definitely recommend. All the best.
Yeh im waiting for that too myself xxx
Thanks for tips seems so many and long waiting then
@Martju Thinking of you with the funeral coming tomorrow. Love and support at this difficult time. Hugs xx
You can chat online whenever you want with cruse - its really easy. Just click into the chat line on their page … you don have to wait for official counselling xx i used that a lot in the first terrible weeks and before i found this website xx
I have no idea. I asked dayley if it was as she was not getting any better. And everything we was finding out was pointing to cancer. But they just kept saying it was a infection. The biggest fear tre had was being told she had that. And when i had the call on Xmas day to say it was and they told her when she was all alone. I will never trust anyone again from the NHS.
I think, as she had court covid in hospital, they was hoping that she would of pass from that. But she bet it, thats how much of a fighter my wife was.
I know mikeb its so hard isnt it ;( i miss my husbands company so much! He was a lot of fun and now i not got much fun in my life tbh … its horrible without him here ;( i been reading a book by sasha bates called language of loss ! Try get it ! She went through hell and back when her husband passed away ! Its so honest how she felt xx