Hi, just wondering if there are any members who have been through similar;
My husband is 43 and has terminal cancer. We have two young boys (12 and 14). I have zero family help so it’s really tough.
I also lost my dad 2 years ago and then last year, my uncle died of the same cancer my husband has and the death was horrific (I was the only one with him when he passed).
Dreading this last stage…
I’m really just posting to see if there are any partners/carers/widows who have young children
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No replies? Definitely a “whole in the market” for a carers with kids” support group. I’ve found a widowed and young group for after my husband has passed but there’s literally nothing before that. So lonely…
I’m ever so sorry that no one has replied but I think it’s probably as you say,no one in a similar situation to you regarding young children.
What I/we can relate to is the whole process of looking after someone with a terminal illness. I did this with my wife but what I also had was the support of the local hospice via the GP and Hospice care at home team.
I just cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling having gone through what you have and now caring for your husband,two children and no family to help,is there anyone that you can contact such as hospice care at home or similar as I was really surprised at the things they did and put in place for when my wife reached the final stages of cancer.
Don’t feel too despondent about not receiving any replies,apart from not having the massive load that you are carrying people tend to talk about their type of journey and wouldn’t just comment for the sake of it. I send you my warmest wishes of support,if ever you want to talk then post on here and I will reply if I can.
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Hello @Nori, I’m so sorry your husband is terminally ill. I can see you’ve been posting supportively on other threads and that you’ve also found @Sarah47 's thread here, where she seems to be in a similar situation.
We know it can be so difficult to support children when a loved one is dying. We have a guide on telling children someone is dying, which you may find helpful: Telling a child a loved one is dying - help and support | Sue Ryder
I really hope that you do find the community to be a support to you - you are not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen
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I can relate to the terminal illness having just been through end of life with my partner from colorectal cancer.
I don’t have any children, so can’t relate to that part.
My family are overseas, and while they are very supportive, it’s not physical support.
I gathered from your other post your mother is as far from supportive as can get.
Don’t have any advice, just I wish you all the strength you need on this terrible journey😞
And take care of your health during this stressful time - Crohn’s disease I believe you said. Keep on top of your meds
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im 42, my daughter is 9. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2022, he passed in march this year. Its not easy but im doing it, i would say if it Wasn’t for my daughter i wouldnt be where i am! Kids keep you strong even when you want to break… its not easy but i live for her now x
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Sorry to hear you went through this hell too. I agree we have to keep going for the kids. In all honesty if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t care what happened to me. I just know I have to stay alive as they have no one else. Xx
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Just to say i am please that people have found the words to reply. Some days are better than others but most i cannot find the words in what is known impending trauma for my children. Its a lonely place to be as people around , even close family and friends maybe dont know what to do or say and so stay away.
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I’ve found the staying away really hard. I’m like an open book and wrote blogs on things which are helpful (and not helpful) and my only real request was to support the boys (just make sure their kids invite him out). I’ve actually been shocked at how crap people have been. There’s been a handful of amazing people but the ones I thought would be there haven’t been, and my own family have been terrible. It’s incredibly lonely but I’m slowly accepting it is what it is and I simply have to get on with it
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You realize in times of crisis who the true people you can rely on are
It’s easy to have friends when times are good, when chips are down the revelation comes. And more often than not it’s a shock who stands by you and who drops you - not who you expect
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Absolutely. The two mums who I actually would never have normally have been friends with, have been amazing. The ones I gave up so much of my time for before all this, rubbish.
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That’s the hard part - my partner realized the people she had done so much for in the past did precious little and showed very little empathy or even interest in what she was going through.
She was very stoic, but I could see it hurt her and upset her terribly - as if she didnt have enough to deal with😞 Broke my heart
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I know, it’s definitely opened my eyes that’s for sure.
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It is sad isnt it and gives another layer if ‘stuff’, the disappointment felt from those who thought be there for me. But it has brought me closer to my mum. We were planning on getting an emotional support dog for the youngest next year anyway to support his autism so have brought this plan forward and will get it next month, it will be emotional support for me too. Sending virtual hug to you guys whi migut be having a hard day too xx
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Nori how are you doing?
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Hi, thanks for thinking of me. I’m plodding on. My husband hadn’t been great this week. I’m ringing the hospital to book him in for the fluid on his lungs to be removed next week. We have oncology on Thursday this week which will probably be just to confirm no more targeted therapy. It will then be a case of seeing what the next few weeks/months bring. Off to take my son and 3 friends to Thorpe park (dropping them off) not ideal leaving my husband but the poor s@d has hardly left the house this summer. The same happened last summer for the exact same reason.
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Sounds like you are doing for everyone else and doing an AMAZING job of that. Hope you find some time for you in there too x