Husband died last week

Well this is one group I didn’t want to join
Husband died the day after his doctor told is his cancer was not reacting to treatment and that the only option was palliative care
The dr gave a 6 month prognosis
When he was diagnosed in May the same doctor said it would be a blip and he’d be back at work in 6 months ‘the most straightforward, boring patient here’ he also said
Yet here we are
I thought the nights would be worse but I think it’s the small, mundane things -Ii popped into the supermarket and still found myself looking at things to buy him - can’t break the habit of 20+ years! I still bought his coffee as it was on offer!
He was 49 and it was our 21st wedding anniversary on Sunday :frowning:

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I’m so sorry for your loss. My 51yr old husband died 6 weeks ago after being sick for 3 yrs. Like you said it’s the mundane things that floor me. Shopping for 1. Washing for 1. All his foods in the fridge/cupboard. It was his 1st anniversary of his lung transplant on Sunday and I was a mess. It’s our 17th wedding anniversary on Friday. Thinking about you xx

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Mrs Murphy and Tiaposy
I am so sorry for your losses
Both husbands so young
The early days of bereavement are tough and full of more losses as you slowly realise the enormity and finality if it all
It is a loss with no end as it can not ever be found or returned.
I’m nearly 11 months on this trek and I do have better days, I’ve mostly sorted the legal, financial and physical issues which plague the early days when you really don’t need all that hassle.
I’ve realised that all grief is very lonely and no one else walks your exact path, we have to face it alone and friends we thought would be there often are a big disappointment. Hence this site. Grief has no end, no set pattern and no resolution. Grief hurts and hurts….
Here everyone understands, listens and best of all never judges when we rant.
Take care of yourselves, keep coming here to true friends and don’t grieve alone. You need real, understanding support.
I can’t promise it gets easier but you can learn to live in and with the grief. There is no rush or hurry or time limit.
Thinking about you and sending hugs

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What a beautiful reply, and so true.
You do learn to live with grief, not saying it is easy, not at all.
It is 10 months since I lost my husband to prostate cancer.

Hugs.

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I’m so sorry
The pain is just horrendous its our lifes have been torn apart ripped from us. I still look at the things my husband loved in the shops etc then reality hits hard and I need out the shop.
Sending love

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Hi Mrs Murphy…and welcome to the club no one wants to join. I’m so sorry for your loss and all your losses on here… I’m still reeling after nearly 4 months . Its our 45th wedding anniversary this Friday. Steve was 65 and diagnosed with lung cancer with a brain met in February…we thought we had a few years…I can relate to a lot of what you and others have said. I find shopping awful as I no longer want to cook or even eat if I’m honest. I see all his favourite foods but just dash round a buy the basics. I’ve had lots of " trigger days " these past few weeks as we lost our only son 12 years ago aged 28 and it would have been his 40th then our wedding anniversary and steves birthday all next week…its all the firsts that get you. …take everything a little at a time …every day is a huge step. Its a bit like snakes and ladders you get so far and something brings you back down. I find myself talking to them both a lot…even shouting at him for leaving me ! …this site is good for talking to each other . Many bereaved people will tell you the same …people say they are there for you and they maybe are initially but they go back to their busy lives and you plod on in your grief alone. They think you’ve got over it …but you never do …you just learn to cope better…be kind to yourself, give yourself time …sending everyone hugs …xxx

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Six months tomorrow since my partner passed.
I struggle after caring for him for 18 months and feeling like I failed.
Miss everything about him.
I feel for you all.

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I’m so sorry for everyone’s losses on here. It is the club that no one wanted to be a part of.
My wife died at the start of September 2022, breast cancer that had spread everywhere, approx 2 years after diagnosis. I know how you feel that you failed and the little things that set you off. Seeing a pair of shoes under the stairs or a tv programme that we watched together that I now deliberately avoid.

It’s ok not to be ok.

Thoughts and prayers to you all.

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Thank you, such kind words.
I have felt very much on my own and still do. Maybe I need to learn to grieve as I I don’t think I have yet.

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Hi Newcastle

I thought I was doing well the first few months
I cried a lot but was coping at work and looking after grandchildren then the flood gates opened and I sobbed like I’ve never sobbed
Some days I felt ok then like a Tsunami grief hit me and flattened me
We are all different. Out grief path is different but for me I think I needed both phases
I still cry but not the depths of despair
I guess this is another phase
I just let it happen and don’t fight it or hide it
This is me
This is how it is
I adored my man and always will
Just keep plodding on as you feel best
No one can tell you how you should feel or react as it is your grief.
Hope this helps
Rant when you need to
We all understand

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Hi all so sorry for everyone’s loss…my husband passed away suddenly 7 weeks ago he was only 53 and we had been together for nearly 30 years. I never got to say goodbye…I am totally heartbroken and don’t know where to go from here. I have 2 teenagers who I need to be strong for but I don’t know if I can do it. I have an amazing family but I’ve never felt so alone…I wish for tge nighttime hoping to get some sleep and respite from this feeling and dread the morning as it starts all over again. :broken_heart: x

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Thank you so much.
I find it difficult to tell people how o feel, I just say I’m fine.
Tomorrow will be hard, big smiles at work.
Thank you again and yea I miss him so much and talk to him every day x

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I find it hard to say I’m fine…I can’t stop crying especially when anyone ask how I am. I miss my hubby so much too…its so dam hard…big hugs for tommorow :heart::heart::heart: x

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I am so sorry for your loss I lost my beloved husband in May in what was a traumatic experience. I also lost my son 10 years ago aged 38 years to this dreadful disease. The hospital care was less than exemplary he was given medication which he was intolerant to and wore an SOS bracelet, red band in the hospital and splashed all over his medical records. I am ok one minute and then sad and upset in the next breath. Time is a healer so they say but just how much time, if any does it take ? I am trying to cope with the single situation but sometimes it is so difficult

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So sorry to hear this.
They do say time is a healer but if I’m honest, I struggle moving forward even now.

I did see this as a quote which is very true.

‘Love is not findIng someone you can live with. It is finding someone you cannot live without.’

Which we all know. Love to you all.

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That is beautiful. Having a reflective night to commemorate six months.
My feelings have not changed for my partner x

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So sorry you have had the love of your life taken from you and for all the other sad losses on this post. My husband died (such a final word) 7 months ago after 50 years of happy marriage. I had been his carer for the past 10 years and some days I feel that my days are so empty. I have some good friends who have experienced the same as me and they are the ones who help the most because they know how it feels. They don’t ask how I am or how I’m feeling beause they know and or guess. Expect better (I won’t say good) days and then like I had yesterday a really rubbish day when you just can’t stop the tears. You cry until your thoat aches and face and eyes are puffy and you think its never going to stop. It does, and somehow you feel a bit better afterwards so just let it go. Holding hands virtually with you all. x

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It is a final word and I hate it.
Other people don’t get it unless they’ve been through it so don’t ask how you’re doing or do you want to talk about it.

I cared for my partner for 18 months. We battled through and talked about everything.

The day they said they were withdrawing treatment was devastating.
To sit and watch the person you love shrink before your eyes is the worst feeling with nothing you can do.
I miss him desperately every day.

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It’s my 17th wedding anniversary today. Ian has been gone for just over 6 weeks. As you say, watching them fade away is horrific. I stayed with Ian for 48hrs whilst he died. It consider it a privilege and whilst it was peaceful for him I will never get over it.
We talked about everything. I miss his calls & texts and I miss our life (even if it was hard the last 3 years). I’d do it all again tomorrow if it meant he was here x

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