My husband Gary has had various health issues over the past 7 or 8 years - irregular heart beat, stents fitted, hypersensitive lungs - but no one at any point said that anything was life threatening. Last summer they said it had affected his liver and lead to a hard and enlarged stomach due to fluid retention. They drained his stomach and he was so well afterwards. He was dancing at our daughter’s 21st party in November. Then, over Christmas his stomach started to get bigger again. We weren’t that worried as the doctor had said it might need draining again but, as he’s coped with it so well last time, he may just have to go in as a day patient. He went in on 8th January and two weeks later, after 3 drains and various other treatments, they said there was nothing else they could do and that it was just a matter of weeks! He wanted to come home so we’re home now. He’s very weak but he looks OK. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare, or some kind of alternate reality. Everyone is asking if there’s something they can do but there isn’t and I can’t believe that there really isn’t. He’s scared and so am I, and so are the children. I’m so tired and I just want to go to sleep and make it all go away. I joined this group because I need to hear from people who might be able to help me to cope and who understand what it’s like. I can’t do this!
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It’s the most awful situation. Hearing my mums diagnosis “terminal” and only weeks left. Just the worst day of my life. The fear in her eyes is something that will haunt me. I prayed she would go quick. Then felt terribly guilty. It’s an awful limbo. So just take it hour by hour. Try and stop your mind from running riot. Live hour by hour. Comfort him. Cry with him. Tell him you love him. Tell him everything you want him to know. Be a family and hold each other tight. I really really do wish you all peace and love. It’s the most horrific situation I do know what you are going through. It does help to talk to people who have been through it. Are there any local organisations that can help you all through it. I’m sure someone from Sue Ryder Can point you in the right direction you will need all the support you canget. Be strong. But look after you self. Go for a walk and scream and let it all out. Look after yourself.
Dear Lorraine,
I am so sorry that you are going through all this heartache because of your husband’s medical condition. It must be dreadfull for you and your children and especially your husband.
I honestly do not know what to say to you other than welcome to this forum from which you will receive compassion and understanding.
Love,
MaryL x
Hello Lorraine…firstly, sorry you are having to go through this…, I know the sense of shock you’ll be feeling right now and that you will be reeling. Here you will find many people who have the wisdom of experience and people who will help you cope with this most terrible of times. Reach out when you need to…you’re stronger than you know…sending you love x
Just talk to each other, tell each other your feelings.
Hi, we were told the same news back in November with my dear dad. The only advice I can give you it to take each minute and hour at a time. Don’t think of what is to come and spend your time with your loved one. Talk, cry, laugh about the good times. Make the most of that precious time x
Thank you everyone for your support. We are trying to take one day at a time but it’s so hard. Our whole lives are changed forever. I long for our ordinary boring lives back. I can manage for a while and then the whole horrible situation swoops down on me again and I feel like I’m going to explode with the awful reality of it.
Thank you again everyone for your support. My darling husband passed away very suddenly on 11th February midway through a conversation on the phone! It was very shocking and thank goodness I had someone here with me at the time. I know it’s probably how he would have wanted to go but I seem to be in shock, even though we knew it was coming, and I just can’t get my head around it. I suppose because we were told that it was going to be a slow decline but in the end it was his poor soft heart.
Dear Lorraine,
I am so sorry to learn of the death of your darling husband, it is a dreadful shock for you and your children. I went through the same 6 months ago, there is nothing I can say to help you through this horrible time. My husband had an infection that went to his heart, he died immediately. There are a number of the members of this forum who experienced this shock and it does knock you off your feet.
I hope that you will continue to post, there is always someone around who will show you compassion and understanding.
Blessings,
MaryL
Hi. Sorry to hear about your husband. I’m glad you were not alone. I hope you still have lots of support to help you through this time. I am sending lots of love xxx
I kept saying about how surreal the whole thing was, but now awful reality seems to sneak up on me. It’s only happened once or twice so far but when it does I just can’t seem to control myself and end up absolutely howling like some kind of wild animal. For a number of reasons we haven’t managed to book the funeral until the middle of this month. A number of people have told me that I will feel even worse then. I’m terrified what “even worse” may look like. I have to be strong for my children. Much worse than this and I’ll be a screaming mess on the floor!
Oh sweetheart, the waiting before the funeral is terrible. It’s like everything slows to a stop. I personally felt much calmer after the funeral… The frantic buzzing in my head calmed down and I felt more relaxed… A bit… I hope the day when it comes is full of love for you and your husband and I hope you can find the strength you need to cope with these waves of hurt. Sending a hug x
The funeral is tomorrow! I just want it to be over. So many of my so-called friends are now saying that they can’t come because of this virus. I’m so angry with them. It’s an hour at the most! They don’t have to sit next to anyone or touch anything. They just have to be there for me. A couple of them do have underlying health conditions and I understand why they can’t come but the others are just using it as an excuse. I know that I’m feeling really angry with everything at the moment but I think I’m learning who my true friends are.
So sorry to read that the funeral was disrupted…it is miserable timing. Have you somebody to support you in theses isolating times? I was only saying yesterday that I don’t know how I would have managed if this had been going on when Tim died six months ago. I know how much social content meant to me…you must be feeling this particularly sharply. Trying to find a positive…you will at least have the time to process what has happened without pressure to rejoin the wider world, time to absorb and reflect and let the shock abate. But I do hope you’re not alone at this time.
The funeral went well, considering, although I couldn’t really say who was there and who wasn’t. Thank goodness we had it that day because only the following day they said that there would be no more church services just services at the graveside. Our two children were so incredibly brave. Our daughter gave a wonderful eulogy and our son was an absolute tower of strength. It all still seems so unreal to me. Of course this horrible virus thing is making things worse but I do feel a little sense of relief that everything I HAD to do is over. Now we can just look after each other and help each other through each day, or hour, or moment. It helps too to know that we aren’t alone in this. Thank you for your messages of support.
Your definitely not alone in this…everybody on here is with you. It helped me a lot in the early weeks to realise I wasn’t the only one…
I can identify with your feelings, Lorraine, I couldn’t remember who came to Stan’s funeral, I didn’t recognise our next door neighbour, neither did I recognise my ex boss, who we have known for over 30 years, It is the shock. x