Husband’s anger after his mother’s suicide

My husband’s mother committed suicide about 3 weeks ago. She lived with us full time. Was active, cleaned house, went to see her granddaughter play softball. There was no note or reason left behind. Since 2 days after we found her, he has been mean, rude, disrespectful and has completely changed the dynamics of our marriage. Doesn’t get things I need or want when grocery shopping, changed the passcode on his phone, changed the passcode on our safe, blames me for everything and says everything wrong in our marriage is my fault. He called me a bad mother too. He us all but keeping his children away from me and is ignoring a good opportunity for me to bond with them. He wont let me help with his kids but he will help with my son. He doesn’t call or text like he used and he refuses to open up about how he feels. He talks to other people a d checks on them but has nothing for me even though I found her with him and helped clean up everything after the funeral gone took her body. I’m trying to understand and be patient but he is acting irrationally. He threatened to call the police during an argument when I tried to leave to go to walmart to get my medicine. He said the car was in his name and he would report it stolen if i tried to go somewhere without because it isn’t what we do (we are always together). We always talk and text on our way to work and text throughout the work day. Today he didn’t text me at all but had time to get on FaceBook. Ive never been in this situation with suicide so i don’t know what to expect. How do I support him if he won’t talk to me and tell me how? Its very hurtful that he talks to everyone else and opens up to them but he won’t with me.

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Hello @MLYoung,

I’m so sorry for your husband’s loss, and for yours too. It sounds like this has been very traumatic for the both of you. Sadly, we have many members who have been bereaved by suicide so will understand some of what you are both going through.

I can see that you’re in the US - if you Google your county or local area and suicide support, you will be able to see local support options. You might also find our Grief Kind campaign resources helpful in supporting your husband. You can watch our Grief Kind classes here. Our Grief Kind classes are five short video tutorials in which Sue Ryder bereavement experts talk you through what grief is like and how you can support others who are grieving.

It sounds like you’re quite worried about your husband’s behaviour and that he is acting in a way that’s unusual for him. You might find our Grief Guide helpful in understanding what kind of emotions he’s experiencing. But if his behaviour is very out of the ordinary, or he behaves in ways that put himself, you or someone else at risk, please do get urgent help.

Hopefully someone will be along to share their thoughts, too. Keep talking - you are not alone.

Seaneen