i lost my husband of 45 years 4 months ago to cancer and from diagnosis to the time he passed away was just 3 months.He deteriorated within a matter of a few days and was told he had only days left.I was not expecting it to be that quick as it was just a pea size lump wen he found out but within a couple of weeks it spread everywhere and the hospital failed to spot this and i feel he was neglected.I have 3 sons and 6 grandkids ranging from 7 to 22 my sons are 41 43 n 35.I hardly ever see any of them and one of them lives 5 minutes away with 3 of my grandaughters who i love and miss dearly.Its like i dont exist and we always had a good relationship before my husband died.I am totally alone in life and dont see any body.Im just existing im not living.I have hardly been out in 4 months apart from to get shopping once a week which i have to get taxis straight there and back.I have just started counselling sessions so im hoping and praying somehow it helps me.I have severe depression n anxiety n also started having quite bad panic attacks.I dont even want to get up in the mornings as i feel there is no point because i have nothing to do and noone to get up for.I just want to start feeling normal and not depressed n angry n lonely 24/7.
Hi,
My husband died of the same type of cancer, it’s aggressive & my husband went quickly as well so I understand when you say it was a shock, I was told 3-4 months but he was gone in 5 days.
In regards to your children, they may be very busy with work etc… how about you ask them over for a meal? Or reach out to there wife’s/partners & ask if you can help out with anything?
Ive found that the effort seems to have to come from me, inviting them to a meal or babysitting etc…
I think there life’s go back to a normal routine where there busy and you only saw them now & again but for us our life’s are now very different but they forget that.
How about a pet to give you a purpose?
Lorraine, I am pleased you are getting counselling because being ipomoea your own is no fun and I personally feel that can be worse than the grief we feel. Our boys both live abroad and like yours they have their own lives which after the shock of their dad going returns to normal.
I do agree with Flower Garden that it’s up to us to arrange things and to invite them for a meal. It gives you something to organise and hopefully get excited about.
Also, the idea of a pet is something I did, she’s a black and white cat who loves me as much as I love her. Yes I would be horrible upset if anything happened to her but meanwhile she is there when I come home and I have get up to feed her.
4 months is not a long time down this grieving road but at some stage we have think what we do from here and that’s hard. Life does get easier but only because we learn to live with it and not because we want to. Like you we had been married for 45 years and I never thought I would be left on my own but I wasn’t asked what I wanted.
Take care of yourself and I do hope you can see a way forward. S xxx
Hi thanks for yur message hun n yes maybe it does have to come from me but i just feel like it should be the other way round as there younger n fitter etc.Plus i dont wanna become a nuisance by goin on at them etc n yes im very stubborn too. I have a dog that i love to bits n has been great company for me too. But i still need human company
thankyou susie i understand what youre saying and i know its right but its getting the motivation to do anything that im struggling with.I always thought i would go before my husband as he has always been a strong fit and healthy man with hardly ever a days illness n to see him go from that to how he was was just so hard to deal with.
@lorraine5 hi Lorraine I am so very sorry for your loss I lost my soulmate pauline in April and it is so hard to continue living without them she was the other half of my heart my reason for living I’m going on for her and our pets our dog cara our cats chip and dale they are my reason to get up everyday coming home is hard because pauline is not here but the babies all greet me I’m all alone apart from them and I love them dearly but yes I miss human company too in the 3months since I lost pauline I have only been around human company 3times the day of her funeral and a visit to my sisters and a cuppa with my neighbours I’m trying to get used to the silence because this will be the rest of my life I’m not good at reaching out maybe your sons don’t know what to say to you I have found a lot of people don’t know what to say so they don’t do or say anything which is worse try reaching out to them it might make a difference I certainly hope it does for you I’m often around so if you ever want to chat stay safe take care sending hugs
Hi Casey thankyou for the message and i feel for you too hun.If i hadnt got my dog i really wouldnt wanna get up in the mornings.He is my only reason atm for gettin out of bed cause he is used to my husband getting up early in the mornings and hes still a pup hes only 18 months old but hes a big dog so he needs his exercise n food etc.I have become very fond of him n he is such a loving affectionate dog n better company than some humans.Atm i dont see any purpose in life at all and not sure i ever will either n its pretty scary to think this is my life now
@lorraine5 I know exactly what you mean the only purpose in my life now are our pets they need me and I need them cara is 12 years old she sleeps in the bed with me not just on it chip and dale are 4 they sleep on the bed too sometimes I must admit it is very lonely the loneliness the emptiness and the longing for them pauline was my everything we had almost 21 years together its our anniversary next month its gonna be a hard day without her and yeah it is scary that this is our lives now but we can help eachother through this site I do hope you reach out to your sons and I hope it makes a difference if you do my thoughts are with you