Hi. My husband of just 2years died on the 29th Feb only 6 weeks after going to the GP with lethargy and a headache. He had brain, stomach and lung cancer, secondary to a melenoma he had removed from his back 5years ago. We were together 11years and he was only 64. My parents and my sister are saying I need to get back to work. I work 3 days a week for the NHS as a project worker. My mum even suggested I go back up to full time 
. I donât feel ready as like many of you have said I donât sleep, despite tablets from the doctor, I get at most 5hrs and sometimes only 2 or 3. My focus is non existent and I donât feel ready to have all the people being sympathetic to me. I am even thinking of giving it up and getting something less stressful that I will enjoy.
I know I am lucky as get full pay for 6mths and then half pay for 6mths.
Has anyone else gone through this?
Hi Shonzie,
I know the feeling of pressure from others to get back into work, I think they think it will be better for us to keep our minds busy, but only we know how we are truly feeling and if you donât feel ready, then donât go back.
Itâs seven months for me and atm still feel Iâm not ready, not sleeping and canât cope most dayâs I have had pressure from family and friends but I am in a position that I donât need to go back yet.
I have learnt along the way to do whatâs best for me and not to please others x
take as long as you need,all of it if possible,sorry your family are insensitive.id be telling them toâŚâŚâŚ you guessed they wouldnât be saying anything like that again to me.
be kind to your self and ignore them.do whats best for you.
regards
ian
sorry ive not answered your question Shonzie,
im just finding it quite annoying how many times families act so insensitively and
quite frankly it beggars belief the things they say without considering the trauma , heartache ,
and emotions you are going through grrrr.
I agree with you Stephtim. I cannot understand why some people think they know better than we do, how we feel. 
Hello Shonzie. I am truly sorry for your loss. We are all different and only you will know whether youâre ready to return to work. However, I must say that for me, it was the best thing. I had a month off after losing my husband and I will admit that I was dreading going back to work. It was the fear of seeing everyone. I felt different. I knew the minute anyone hugged me I would break down. But I also knew that I had to go back and the longer I left it, the more difficult it would become. I needed my job for financial reasons. I was an income down so couldnât afford to give up work. Once I got over the first few days it proved to be the best thing. The distraction from my grief was a huge relief. It was never far away and once I had finished my shift it was there waiting for me. I would literally sob in the car on my way home. I would scream out at the top of my voice, yell at the sky. But despite all that, I know for me, it was the right thing to do.
It has to be your decision Shonzie, only you can know. Nobody else, only you. Sending love and strength xx
Hi Jianye, Thank you. I know they mean well and yes , they probably do think it will give me something else to focus on but at this time I canât even make the simplest decisions let alone big ones. My Mum and Sister are the same the open mouth before putting brain in gear. My sister asked my why I phoned my friend and not her when I was upset. If I say she said to me (âwhen you are sitting crying and feeling sorry for yourself just callâ I said âI am not feeling sorry for myself, I am grievingâ she just said âSame thingâ.) That answers why I donât phone her. Not a clue but I know she means well. X
Hi Stephtim, Thank you. I am glad people on here agree that we will know when and they wonât. This Covid has not helped thing at all. Maybe once I can start to visit people and go shopping and have friends around I might feel more like facing going back but Iâm not there yet.
Hi Kate, Thank you. I also know like you have said, the longer you leave it the harder it is and I am aware of that. The meeting everyone for first time I know will be hard too.
I keep saying I will wait until the virus has gone but could be waiting a year. Certainly not going back full time. I have elderly parents and need time to visit them and get shopping etc.
I suppose I will know myself x
Hi Mary, Yes some people seem to know better. I despair of the people who seem to know not only what I am thinking but Bill as well. Have lost count how many people have said âBill wouldnât have wanted you cryingâ How do they know 
Shonzie,
Sometimes I wish that people would keep their sticky beaks out of our business.
x x x x
I feel the same Mary, they think they know best, if it wasnât for everyone on here that understands I think I would go crazy xx
âBill wouldnât have wanted you cryingâ what a terrible thing to say. Bill would want to be back with you to comfort you and make it all go away. I know my John would want to do everything in his power to make it better but he canât do anything. I hate the fact that they are taken away and there is never never any coming back. I find it very cruel that people love each other so much and their futures are ripped away.
Thank you Johnswife, The world is cruel and this Covid is making it so hard. I like you, know Bill would prefer to be with me and support me. They say time heals but it will be a long time. 
So they say but some people on here are experiencing deep grief 4 years on. I know everyone is different but itâs frightening 
I know. My friend works for Cruse and she says some people have been 6 years + but she says I am dealing with it now so thatâs good. I just have to take her word for it x