I am desperately trying to cope.

I have had a really bad few days.People I know who have lost someone have been telling me how they feel their loved one’s presence,they have found white feathers in their house when they have nothing that is stuffed with feathers,they have a butterfly in their garden ,or a robin keeps paying a visit ,or they dream of their loved one.Well,20 painful ,sorrowful and bereft weeks later.Nothing.Absolutely zero.No smells ,no dreams,no presence.No nothing.Why ? I always believed in the afterlife.I no longer do.I feel abandoned.I have forgotten his voice.I can’t bear to look at his photo.Our son who is autistic is picking verbal fights .I am trying to support him through all this.I really am.I don’t know what to do anymore.The house is spotless,deathly quiet and like a prison.I have a flare up of arthritis at the minute and movement is painful.

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Me too today really bad day.
My husband died on 8th June 2023.
I thought i was doing ok but today i went to get new glasses and brought them home myself rhey dont fit and need to take them back but somehow that started off the upset loneliness and crying today
I too wish i could feel hear sonething byt the silence in the house id heartbreaking.
Life on my own does not feel right dont know if it ever will.
Before i was sure he was looking out for me now nearly 4 months on i want this to be corrrect but the pain inside stops me in my tracks. I know everyone is going through similar feelings but no one can take the pain away i think it is there for the rest of our lives until our time comes x

@Galaxy75. My husband died 2 days before yours. Although Sundays are usually bad for me I am burying myself in some fairly stupid films and managing. It helps the sun has come out. It’s weird how innocuous things set us off. Having his hearing aids adapted for me set me off. All we can do is ride the waves of grief. It doesn’t help that it is getting dark and cold. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. But it is very lonely. Love and hugs. Sandra

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Thank you Sandra.I seem to have come full circle.Before I met my husband ,I lived at home.Mom was an alcoholic, dad was weak but lovely.She was foul.I didn’t make friends easily because of her.I didn’t realise I was lonely or that life was as hard as it was.Then I met my husband through a girl I worked with ,a blind date .Her best friend was supposed to be his date.I was in the right place at the right time.We were married 6 months later and celebrated our first wedding anniversary finding out I was pregnant.We moved every 2 years because of his job. He gave me a wonderful,happy life.I made good friends too.However those good friends either died ,or have dementia or lost touch.The one’s that replaced them buggered off.I haven’t seen or heard from anyone since his funeral.I have been ghosted.As I said full circle.I hope you are having a good or a better day.Babs xx

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It is the silly things that set me off too.I finally got round to throwing his half a pot of marmalade out on Friday.We don’t like it.It upset me that I will never buy it again.No butter either as I can’t tolerate it.I know I will never get over losing him.I just wonder why others have sightings,feeling his presence and I am denied that comfort.I hope you are ok.I really do.Babs xx

We really can support each other. I am having a not too bad day today after a bad period last week. One of the other people on this site who I private message was having a really bad day and none of her other friends were available so we had a good long chat on the phone. I think it haloed both of us. You have had a rough life. My dad didn’t think much of girls. One of the old school. Stay home and cook. It irked him that I was a computer programmer. When Norman and I told him we were getting married he suggested we elope until we said we were paying for everything but otherwise my parents were good. I hope you get through this with our support.

Yeh i feel the same ! I feel like i have gone back to being in my 20’s again - looking for love, looking for stability ! My family arent alcoholic or anything ! They’re just awful people and so you rely on your husband for love dont you ? And now hes gone … its just awful. I have grown up children but they have families of their own and so although im in touch with my son and daughter i dont feel that love anymore that i got from him xxx

Yes today has been not so good for me.
Family have there own lives to live and that does not include me. My husband was a step dad to my daughter and was always there for her giving her advice and money.
Now on my own i have not seen her since he passed in June and have had a text once a week or 10 days
I have decided to just get on with everything on my own day to day.
I am planning on spending what money i have left on me buying things and holidays over the next few years. I dont fancy holidays on my own but i will try.
Family have there own lives i do hope they never have to go through losing someone close as the pain and heartache is unbearable.

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Aw cant you ask your step daughter to go with you ?,bet if you.paid she.would come :slight_smile: xx

Hi @Deb5
You are correcr except i would have to tajs her partner two teenage grandchildren and out the dog into kennel domt have that much in savings to cover so will just go it alone Life is a different day same sh–

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Oh right … what about just taking kids ??? Just an idea ??? Xxx i agree with that btw … different day, same sh- :frowning: xxx

Ladies I"m lonely too. Despite having family and working full time. Its because there"s a person shaped space we can’t fill. We just have to let time make the edges fuzzier. And slowly adapt. As for seeing signs sometimes we want it so bad we miss it. We look for things we expect not the signs we are given. Love goes on after life so there"s every reason to know they are with us.

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I sometimes wonder if I would have ever loved if I knew the pain of losing him.
He made me the happiest I’d ever been but now I’m a wreck and scared to even live without him xxxx

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Hi @Deb5

Yes taking the children would be good.
However not seen them in over a year.
Even although i have sent birthday xmas presents and had to phone to see if they received as did not get any contact.
Was unable to visit them due to cancer treatmenr in the last 2 years and my daughter did not mange to help me or bring them through see only lives 1 hr away by car. I do get text every week but i say im struggling all i get is sorry to here that and im busy. Guess were all too busy with our own lives we forget others until there gone and it us too late.
Sorry for going on my husband always said if we didnt go though to see them we wouldnt see them at all how right he was

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Aw … im so sorry ! Thats do thoughtless … not easy with these kids of ours is it :frowning: well gonon a solo cruise ! I heard they are good and you can meet some new people xxx

Hi Deb5 .I am the same our eldest son and daughter have their own lives.Our youngest who is 46 still lives with me as being autistic we kept an eye on him plus he can’t handle change.I miss my husband holding my hand ,kissing it .Saying he loved me.I just feel I am back to square one ,but now it is a son that gets foul moods instead of a drunken mom .xx

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Yeh i just miss him being here … his presence was huge to me … i always felt safe and loved ! We were so lucky werent we ? I just find it hard everyday not seeing smiley face … :frowning: and that’s so cute your husband used to kiss your hand … ;( xxxx

@Deb5 do you ever try to block memories to save the pain and heartache?
Every time I think of my partner it fill me full of anxiety as I know I’ll never make anymore memories.
I just wondered how you coped? Xxxx

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@AlysonandSteve … there is only grief becau

I have really struggled today and I know I block out memories because it just feels so raw at the moment. I am really trying to pull it together but I feel so helpless. I am hoping I can sleep tonight because I am tired and sick of feeling like this. Love and hugs to all of you going through this. Xx

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