I don’t know what to say because I don’t know what the issue is. He’s been gone since 2020. I don’t want to keep crying for the rest of my life. But Christmas and this week is the hardest yet. I’m trying to find employment whilst being autistic and I guess I’m grieving being 31 and behind.
I’m grieving my mum deteriorating in front of me Day by day and not having any control whatsoever. I just want to give up and stay in bed.
I hate what I’ve done to myself. I need light and hope but I physically cannot see a way through being this life. I want to change but am so bewildered by it all.
No matter how long it’s been, holidays and special occasions can be an especially painful time for those who are grieving. We’re sorry to hear that you are feeling so bewildered around this time of year and with life. We have some advice about coping with grief at Christmas here: Coping with grief at Christmas | Sue Ryder