I had a really bad life growing up all of it was mum and when she passed my brain fried and I find myself crying daily remembering something she said or did to me I hated her she lothed me she one told me she wished I had been still borne I know why but it was never my fault but I took the brunt of her hate so why should I care now she’s gone I feel dysfunctional
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Hi @Gillyh,
You’d sent this to me as a private message, but it sounded like you needed support from members so I made it public for you.
It sounds like you’ve been through an awful lot. Might it help to talk to someone? Wigan Council website lists some local bereavement support: Bereavement support
You could also ask your GP to refer you to counselling or therapy, too.
Take care,
Seaneen
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@Gillyh just a thought, but while your mother was still alive somewhere in you, you may still have had the hope that she might eventually become the mother you would’ve liked and the mother you would’ve hoped for? With her death any last chance of that has gone. Could that perhaps be why you are finding this so hard? The loss of all hope that things might be different. This may be absolute rubbish in which case please ignore but something about what you wrote made me wonder if that could be the case? There’s no easy way to deal with the death of a loved one, even if you did not get on it is still a loss. Hugs.
Maybe I was waiting for her to tell me she never ment to hurt me that however does not stop the fact she did hurt me
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