I’m new to this I’ve been dealing with death since I was 11 my best friend died it snowballed after that ive lost my frienda and alot pf family members but 3 month ago my daughter’s father committed suicide then 3 weeks later I got a message from my cousin that I seen as a brother his mum and dad died so he stayed with me for a long time he was 18 he struggled after the death of his parent’s but he got a place of his own and a job and was doing well so I thought…anyway when he messaged he said he really need to speak with me he was struggling and was taking coke he really wanted to speak with me he said i was the only one he could talk to and in didn’t go speak with him later that night he committed suicide its all my fault I should of been there for him if I went to talk to him I know he wouldn’t of done or even if he still done it at least I would have spoken and felt like I tried but I didnt and I hate myself I don’t know how to live with the guilt and the pain of missing.
Emma, your story is so very sad and you have had so much tragedy it must have been so very difficult for you over the years.
But please, it was not your fault. We all have regrets and would do things differently if we could turn back the clock. You should feel no guilt or blame for what your cousin did. You are dealing with a very recent bereavement of your daughters dad and you were doing the best you could. If your cousin was drug dependent, he may have been acting out of character and even if you had gone, he still may have taken his life.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, you have had lots of tragedy and you can’t beat yourself up for something that was out of your control. Be kind to yourself, don’t punish yourself, life is hard enough. Please take care, Jackie
Sorry Nikki, I called you Emma, I’m not having a good day today. I lost my husband 7 weeks ago and am devastated.
Thank you Jackie means a lot I just had a really bad day didn’t know where the turn sometimes the pain is so bad I think I’m going insane everyday I wake and it’s like a punch in the chest but I have a beautiful little girl I have to get strong for I am really trying just some days I feel like I’m losing my mind but I’ve got through it before this time its a lot worse but I know I have to keep going and reading stories of how other people have dealt with it gives me comfort
I’m so sorry to hear about you’re husband 7 weeks isn’t long at all everything must still be raw hun so heartbreaking that so many people going through this pain I hope you family and friend’s that is there for you