Although I have come to terms with the death of my father what is clawing at me is no one told me he died. It’s eating away at me as I don’t even know where his ashes are so I can say goodbye. I’ve been through the what if we’d reconnected etc and I know that the going no contact was the right thing to do as he was making me very poorly with his manipulation etc. But I’d still have liked to have the option of saying goodbye to him. I find myself sometimes thinking of him and wondering where he is. Am I losing my mind?? Its only been a month or 2 since I found out, he died last December.
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Hi @Angel1710,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
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I’m so very sorry for your loss and it sounds like there have been challenges for you in the relationship. Whatever decision you made I’m guessing was for your own well being, it doesn’t mean you stopped caring about him. Relationships can be complex and don’t judge yourself too harshly about how you feel. I would encourage you to consider talking to someone about how you feel if you haven’t already? A trusted friend, or a counsellor. Sometimes just having a safe space to express your feelings can make all the difference to how you manage and move through your grief. Go easy on yourself 
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