You have a focus, that’s a good thing… Will help keep yr mind on the important things in your life… Kids are resiliant and will know mum is upset, . you won’t be able to hide your feelings for too long from them, they will come out in other ways , one way or another… Don’t make the mistake of thinking u can do it alone… Even if u choose a close friend to use the shoulder of … It is so important you let it out in some way… Hope u find your way soon… Xx I’m always a source , but it helps to have more than one… Sometimes strangers are the best help, for things unfamiliar to cope with xxx
Been on my mind, remembering how numb I was in the early stages after dad passed… I was just wanting to check that you were having a day where you coped… I really do understand the pain, and hope your healing process is not a long one… Xx
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Hiya, thanks so much for the message. Today I’ve seen a friend and been clearing the garden. Had a long talk about loss…her brother passed as a teenager. … I’ve managed the day ok. Can’t shake off the tiredness though! It’s like being jetlagged every day. Thank you for caring xxx
That is fatigue, yr brain is racing 100 miles an hr processing everything , and just like the hamster on the wheel, it gets tired from doing too much… That’s one of the hardest things to control… When u feel up to it… There are some relaxation thing s on u tube you can listen to… Shut yr eyes and let them talk u thru a releasing yr energy talk… If it only works for an hr, its an hour of relaxation… Good to hear your able to talk… That is such a huge step, even if u don’t see it yet xxxx
Hi again! Yes I think you are right. I feel proper rinsed ALL THE TIME. I go to bed really early…wake up drained and lacking in motivation. Taking lots of vitamin supplements but they are not doing much.I think it’s true about the internal processing going on…so much happening below the surface and in the subconscious. … too much happening to comprehend. I will try a relaxation thing…tried a mindfulness workshop the other day and nearly fell asleep!! Thanks for everything
You
Oops that should read
Thanks for everything
Joy
Xxx
I feel like I’m missing something. I know that my Dad has gone. …but where?? He died in August. …and we still can’t find his current passport. I had a thought the other day. …could this all be a set up?? He hasn’t really died…he’s just gone into hiding. … for a reason we don’t understand. Even at his funeral…with an open casket…I still had feelings of unreality. ‘Well, it looks like my Dad. …but might not be’…I guess the mind only wants to believe what it can emotionally accept?? Does anyone else feel like this??
Its the denial stage, and you sou d like youre having a hard time of it. Have you spoken to anyone, professionally or trusted friend about this? I think you should. Don’t suffer alone, there are good people out there to help you with your grieving and how its affecting you… I had my issues, but they totally different to yours. Everyone deals with things differently, just don’t do it by yourself x
I am in the same position. My Dad died suddenly in his sleep 7 weeks ago. The funeral was 2 weeks ago and despite it, I still don’t believe he’s gone. Our mum is in a care home with dementia and we always thought it would be her to go first. He was quite healthy and full of life. Went to bed and died in his sleep from pneumonia. He was also a GP so I think he would have been furious and baffled that pneumonia took him. He had just moved into a new house 3 months previously and was still unpacking. It’s so tragic. I have 2 young boys and dreading Christmas. I have a sister who is very supportive and suffering equally. We both miss him so much. Feel like he was taken 15 years before his time. He was 73. x
Hi Maggie, I’m so sorry for your loss… There are no amount of words that can ease your pain… Just a bit of comfort that you have support around you… My dad suffered in a lot of pain for 2 years, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone… Your children will help you get through this, your memories too after the pain of your loss. Grief takes everyone different, and you will find your inner strength, that I can promise you… Friends will be your angels, lifting you to your feet, as your wings have a bit of trouble, remembering how to fly right now… Take the help, love is with you, here if you need us again …
Hi Maggie
Oh goodness I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s such a shock losing your Dad so suddenly, and just when he was enjoying a new start in his new home. Life can seem so cruel at times. I’m still trying to make sense of what happened with my Dad. I have a recurring feeling of ‘but it just can’t be true’ because everything was fine. I hope you have some lovely people around you for support. My four children are so excited about Christmas too, but I’m absolutely dreading it…but keep trying to stay upbeat for them as hard as it is. My heart goes out to you as the early days and weeks and months of grief are so devastating. Sending warm wishes of support, joy
This is so lovely Amberjob xxx I don’t know how I would have survived without my friends to hold me up. Still wobbly but getting stronger day by day…until something catches me unawares and i fall back into numbness and denial. Trying to make sense of life…I heard something on the radio the other day about death and our lives ones becoming angels. It was really lovely…radio 4 on Monday morning I think, there is probably a podcast somewhere. I hope you are keeping well and strong. X
Hi MJ - your original post inspired me to log on and sign up to this site as soon as I read your post. I lost my dad too suddenly on 14th July - and I’m just so so sad. I’ve always been a “smiler” and a pretty up beat character and life has thrown a lot at me and my lovely family but I’m really struggling with the loss of my funny , warm, friendly , generous and loving dad . I just can’t seem to accept that I’m never gonna see him again . He was 70 and died of heart failure. If he had gone to the doctors they would have been able to do something but he hadn’t been to the doctors for years and sadly wouldn’t go. He was a very fit man but the heartache of my younger brother needing a heart transplant my dad didn’t take very well . Again , I too think that I should have known as I was the closet to dad. I’m dreading Christmas but like your the kids are really excited and I will make it a good day for them. Life is cruel at times.
How have you been today ?
I’ve been up and down . I really appreciate you posting your original message - because I know this won’t come out right but it does help to know there are others going through the same, in a sad sort of way x
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Hi Natty. Thank you for your message. I am so sorry about your Dad. It’s so very tough when it’s sudden and one minute they are fine and the next gone. I have had a few days of feeling stronger but last week was a rock bottom. Grief is so strange as it can take you in so many different directions from one minute to the next and you have no idea where you will end up! Christmas will be very hard and it’s painful just going to the shops and seeing the Christmas stuff and hearing the songs already. My Dad always used to bring the crackers so I hate seeing crackers in the shops. Wishing you all the best as you move along day by day. x
Thanks for your reply:-) my dad used to bring the big rounds tubs of chocs for me and my brothers families - so I completely understand the cracker thing because I hate seeing the chocolates. I’m sat here this morning In dads fav spot at my house drinking a cuppa thinking how precious life is. I’ve downloaded a meditation app on my phone and that helps a little I’m trying to do it every morning - I would recommend if that interests you. Let’s see what the day brings but I hope you have a good day today xxx
Dear Natty
I’m so sorry to hear that you also lost your lovely Dad very suddenly in July. There really are no words to explain that terrible sense of grief and disbelief following such a huge loss. Thank you for your post and for asking as to how I’m doing…so far not brilliant.
How are you keeping?? Are you holding up these days? Even the other day I woke up and thought ‘no, they’ve missed something. It’s not true…he’s not dead’. It’s such a horrible feeling.
About your Dad’s health before he died…how could you know what was going to happen if you are not a fortune teller?? My Dad, like yours had a HORROR of doctors. He didn’t like them and didn’t trust them. Any strange symptoms, he would completely ignore. I have been beating myself up lately. …if only I’d nagged him more…if only I had realised about those sudden attacks of hiccups. …if only…if only…my heart goes out to you and your family. As for grief…It’s a sad and difficult place for us all.
Sending warm wishes
Joy
Oh bless you thanks for your message . My dad had a horror of them too and felt the same as your dad. My dad Had so much life left in him and although he struggled with his weight he was always smiling. I’ve been doing exactly the same as you - “I should have nagged him more “ it’s hard not too. Everyone tells me he wouldn’t have listened but I can’t help feeling - how do we know if we don’t try …
I’m also struggling with the fact that at work people I thought would have said something have completely ignored it - yes I know they feel uncomfortable and don’t want to upset me but as with you - our whole world has completely fallen apart and my dad deserves mentioning 
also by now 4 months later I feel people think you should have moved on - but I haven’t . I’m finding doing some meditation is helping ( I e never done it before in my life )
I am sorry to hear you are going through the same as me. Might sound silly but I feel that I’ve had afew signs from dad - have you ?
Hi Natty
Oh I’m so sorry to hear all that you’ve been going through!! It all totally resonates with me. So far I’ve been fortunate to have really supportive friends supporting me. But I’ve been surprised and appalled by the lack of recognition of my dad’s death by most of my in-laws. On the whole, after 3 months, not even a text of condolence. It’s really been so revealing about their views.
As for moving on…people who haven’t been through it are never going to get it.I just try to stay balanced and get through the days…my teenage son was starting to get really worried about me a few weeks back. I wish life wasn’t so unfair. My Dad was so full of wisdom. Even though we didn’t always see eye to eye…I really valued every thing he said.
Sending warm thoughts your way.
Try to stay strong…and as for signs…yes I have! ! So has my sister…really direct signs. Will write more later.
I had a wonderful dream about my Dad the other day. I woke up feeling so positive and reassured that he’s happy where he is and in a better place. But since then, have felt such a crushing weight around me as everyone goes mad for Christmas. I just can’t believe that this is my life at rhe moment. …
Hi MJ. I know exactly how you feel. I also had a nice dream about my Dad and felt really at peace the next day. But Christmas approaching really is crushing. Just going to the shops is so hard with all the jolly music and people getting excited! I have been dreading December arriving but know I need to roll with it. Can’t hide from it whichever which way. Yesterday I saw my mum who is in a nursing home with dememtia and wasn’t good at. I just wanted to call my Dad so badly it hurt. Stay strong. Molly x