I Can't Believe It

I sat by my wife’s hospital bed when she took her last breath. I saw her when she was laid out in her coffin. I watched as she was laid to rest in the cemetery.
Why am I finding it so hard to believe she has really gone?
I think it’s because I’m afraid that my mind will not cope with acceptance. I DO NOT WANT TO BELIEVE IT!

You are not alone as I lost my husband 1 month six days ago and he was only 39. He is/ was/ will my love. I am devastated. I still can not believe he has gone x

Fully understand, I too can’t believe my darling husband has gone. Even though he died in my arms. its so difficult to think they’ve gone,. Maybe because we don’t want to believe it. I wish it was a bad dream and he’d be back here with me… Existing isn’t living. Thinking of you
x Christina

Thank you Nuran and Christina7 for replying. I’m having a particularly bad day and I just had to write down what was playing over and over in my mind. Bless you both at this terrible endless time of our lives. x

Life is so cruel. Every day I wish this was not happened.
I can not think, do nothing. Without him I am empty.x

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It’s so horrible that I’m not alone. I just tried to sort small bit of DIY but took so long. Could not see what I was doing due to tears. 4 weeks ago I saw my gorgeous wife take her final breath too. 2 days notice that something was wrong. And the hospital was so cruel. She was only 53 and last 20+ years been a nurse. They spoke to her like putting down an animal.
I really don’t know how much more of this pain I can take. I have a limit and I’m getting to that. I’m trying to cope like getting a cat on Wednesday as on my own. So sad that at 49 years old I’m saying that.
My heart is so broken.

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thank you
It is so devastating. I can tell you it does get easier to cope, with time, no time limit, it’s different for everyone. I speak from losing my 1 st husband suddenly 20 years ago, found happiness again, which. I Never wanted or expected. How lucky I was to have a 2nd wonderful husband, who had also suffered a great loss. The grief is terrible, I knew and feared, what I had to face a second time. Now it’s too awful for words but I hold on to knowing it will get easier, life will never be the same, but , slowly it eases, never leaves you , but the rawness is calmed and allows happy memories to exist.
Just take day at a time and only do what you feel able to do , is my advice. We have the right to grieve, losing your soul mate is like losing half of yourself.
Hope this may help, not yet , probably, but later.
We all understand the pain .
Christina x

Hi Jay, I know you are suffering, just like me, and it does feel like your heart is broken. I think my wife was taken too soon at 75, but when I read posts like yours and others whose loved ones were taken at a much earlier age, I am so sorry and feel their pain. Unfortunately it doesn’t lessen my pain. I hope getting a cat will bring you some comfort and a distraction from your pain.

Thank you. I feel I want to give up but I know she would be having a go at me. Not that we argued anyway. It is the constant non stop pain. Like I’ve never felt before. Constantly in tears and deep grieving has now affected my eyes. You do wonder is life really worth it. I always told her if she went first I won’t be long behind. I just wish I would go in my sleep. Do suffering from a brokenheart

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Hi Christina, you’re so right about losing half of yourself. I have many happy memories to look back on, but right now I have floods of tears when I recall them. Maybe one day I’ll be able to smile when I recall them. It does worry me that for most people it seems to take a long time to “recover”, if it’s even possible. As mentioned earlier, I’m having a bad day so apologies for the negativity.
AL x

Nuran,
I agree with you, life is so cruel and I understand why you feel so empty. I feel the same and I have difficulty thinking and completing simple tasks. I mentioned to you in a different post that you must try to take care of yourself and look after your young son. I know you are probably saying “That’s easier said than done” but for the love of your husband it has to be done for you to survive. Blessings x

I am looking after my son well as he is a lovely present from my husband and I will never let him down as our boy is so precious for both of us x

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That is so nice. x

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What a lovely thing to say, Nuran :heart:

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