I’m new here.
Its been 9 months since we lost our mum. She became very unwell and our thoughts were correct she had cancer (leukaemia). Of course we didn’t want to hear that horrible word…
The traumatic experimce near the end is crippling me. I can’t and don’t know how to cope without her.
Being the oldest out of my 2 sisters, i ha e a duty to keep things together, but im struggling.
We have our amazing dad, who has not only lost his best friend but his wife. Dad has veen truly anazing to us girls. Although deep sown i know hes struggling.
Ive been waiting fir counselling since February, if im truly honest. I will never be able to go in depth of my mums final 5 weeks. Its too painful
So sorry to hear of your mums passing. Death can be peaceful or utterly traumatic. My uncle died of cancer and the end was barbaric (my husband now has the same cancer at just 43 years old and I’m dreading the end). I think some deaths can leave us with post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd). I’ve found talking about it does help to process it.
Please don’t feel, because you are the eldest, you need to keep it together. Age makes no difference when it comes to grief. Cry/shout/scream…, do whatever you have to.
I can’t change anything but I can say you are definitely not alone xx
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in May. She had cancer, heart failure, strokes, seizures. It was so sad to see her for 12 months in a care home, not wanting to live, and just lying in bed, as she had been such a bright person 12 months before. It is extremely tough, but hopefully a brighter light will shine for you soon. I’m sure she is around you, looking down. I am sure they can hear our thoughts and see us and will guide us through life. Remember she is free from all the pain and misery of this world now, even though that makes our journey even worse. I talk to my mum and I really hope she hears. I’m sure I’ve had a few signs. Let out all your emotions, and this grief journey is really tough. I am on my own and have never experienced anything as difficult in life as right now. I try to stay focused with work, and try to keep myself as happy as I can be, because I know that is what all our mums would want for us. I find talking to her out loud helps. xxx
Thank you so much for your reply. I am truly sorry about your uncle and of course your husband
I took on a lot of the medical side around mums care just to keep the weight of my dads shoulders.
Ill never forget the call to say what mums diagnosis was and of course the complication.
I’ve just not had the chance to grieve due to my health worries at the moment. I am just so lost without her she was only 51
You sound a bit like me. I too end up taking on all the medical stuff. Sometimes I feel this can result in questioning yourself too? I know I went through the “I should have done this/that/“ then I remind myself at what a damn good job I did and I’ve no doubt you did too. If ever you want to PM me feel free… xx
Thank you so much for your reply.
Im am truly sorry to hear about your mum. I have only ever lost a granny 9 years ago and i crumbled with the loss.
Loosing a parent is much more heartbreaking mum always struggled with her health.
I’ve written letters for her and put it in my memory shelf of her. Im just truly heartbroken.
Ive lost my job, because ive been off for so long but i cant help that right now.
I feel for you. I visit the cemetery most days because it is so peaceful there, especially in this warm weather. I will sit for quite a while and talk to her about what I am doing that day and I say a prayer (I’m not hugely religious; but find myself a bit more so now). I truly believe she has sent me some signs, they are vague, but just random things that I can’t put my finger on as to why they are happening. Talk out loud to her, or write a journal and read out loud to her. I’m sure they can hear us (apparently they can see everything here what we are up to, but we can’t see them!.. if you believe all that!) xxx
Aww thats lovely, our mum was cremated so we dont have a grave to visit which hurts a bit but that was her wishes. I got a wishing well made in her memory.
I got 3 signs yesterday of my mum and wow it was truly amazing.
Aww… that is beautiful. Maybe she’ll drop some pennies or feathers in the well for you. xx