I can't live without my soul mate

My beautiful wife was my lover, my best friend and my soul mate. I dread each day now. She was only 45 and for the first time in my life I have actually thought about suicide so I can join her. And so this unbearable pain will stop.

Hi Gaz,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your wife at such a young age. I read your profile and it sounds as though she was a very special person.

I’m sorry also to hear that you have had thoughts of suicide. It’s not uncommon to have such thoughts, but it’s still important to get some support.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here, as many of our users find this a really helpful outlet. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, Gaz, get in touch with one of these services.

If you ever feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Hi Gaz. I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. She was very young being only 45. Life is so cruel and unfair. I lost my soulmate, best friend, lover and support on 13th July. He was my rock and life without him is unbearable and frightening. It is a very painful time and I am afraid to say, a very long and hard journey that you are now starting.

As Priscilla said, thoughts of suicide are common as I too had them. I just wanted to be with Dave and out of this terrible nightmare. However, I decided to give myself to Christmas before taking my life. By putting a time span on it it was giving me a sort of breathing space. I read about doing that from a self-help book. I am scared of taking my own life incase it goes wrong and then I am disabled mentally and/or physically and that would be worse as have no one to look after me. I still don’t want to be in this life anymore or have a future without the love of my life and if someone told me I was going to die naturally next week I would jump for joy and be glad. My future looks bleak and dismal and lonely.

This is a GREAT site and has really been a life line to me. It is so good to be able to post how you feel and others on here completely understand, care, support and are non judgemental because we are all in the same boat and suffering on this awful path of bereavement and grieving. You can respond to others too and get a conversation going and it has made me feel less isolated. Sometimes I spend days alone here in this house but coming online to this forum really does take away some of the loneliness and it is something to do. I have picked up tips and advice from others and it is good to share and sometimes pour out how you feel.

I go to a Bereavement Support Group and I find that really helps. Perhaps there is one in your area? Basically, you have to get through the best way you can but understand that it will be a long process and one which you have to go through. Unfortunately, there is no easy way. Allow yourself time to grieve and be kind and gentle to yourself. Take small steps and don’t force things. I found reading bereavement books helped in the early stages. We all are dealing with it in different ways. There is no right or wrong way. There is also no time limit on it.

Hopefully you are getting some support from family or friends as you need to talk about it. You will go through so many emotions and feelings and that is a normal part of this awful process.

Anyway, my thoughts are with you. Keep coming on this site and post whenever and whatever you feel. It is good to let it out and not bottle it up.

Best wishes from Karen

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