I couldn't save my mum

I found my mum after she’d had an aneurysm and it still haunts me that I couldn’t save her I tried CPR and I think I knew deep down that I couldn’t save her she’d already started to go cold by the time I’d found her. I just feel so lost she was only 47 and I was only 17 she was all I had it was just me and her at home and everyday I’d come downstairs and drink tea with her and she always had her music playing on the jukebox I got her for Christmas I have so many questions to ask her and I just wish I could see her one more time and tell her that I love her and that I wouldn’t be who I am today without her and all her love and kindness. I’m trying to keep pushing on with life and I know she’d want me to be happy she always said happiness was the most important thing in life but I rarely feel happy anymore I just feel lost and confused without her here and it feels like nothing is ever going to be okay again

Hi,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It must be really difficult for you.
Although my grief will be different to yours and I am older than you, I am devastated after the sudden death of my mum. She had a bleed on the brain and died the following day. This was 3 months ago.
I lived with my mum too and we often sat together having a cup of tea or watching tv or listening to music together. I completely feel your pain.
Our mums knew we loved them and it’s hard when there have been no goodbyes. When I was 27 I watched as my mum tried giving CPR to my dad even though j could see he was gone. He had a massive heart attack.
Life is very hard and very cruel and even now I am sitting in the quiet of my house imagining my mum about to put the kettle on or tell me about her day.
Who have you got for support? Please ding feel you have to be strong for anyone. If you want to cry do it.
One of my problems is that I want to talk about my mum constantly. I find it helps me understand what happened.
However, my daughter who is 12 refuses to talk about nan as she finds it too upsetting and my partner changes the subject.
I’m avoiding work, neighbours and friends because I feel that they all think I must be over it by now, but even though mum died 15 weeks tomorrow it could be yesterday it happened.
Talk more about it, if it helps you.

Cheryl x

Sorry I forgot to add that there us no way you could have saved your mum. Very few people who have heard attacks, aneurysms, major strokes etc make it to hospital and survive.
My dad died instantly, CPR would have achieved nothing, even though my mum and I felt guilty for a long time that we hadnt saved him. It was only when I started working for the emergency services that I learnt the odds of surviving were very low.
Equally, my mum had her brain hemorrhage IN the hospital whilst attending an outpatient appointment. Doctors attended to her immediately and could do nothing. Medicine isn’t magic, and I like to think that these things happen for a reason. Not that it brings comfort yet but maybe in the future for us both x

Hi Kaucurl
I feel for you.
I sometimes talk to my wife Anne even though she passed from pancreatic cancer nearly 10 weeks ago. I know it sounds dotty but it can provide a little comfort as I’m sure she can hear me in spirit. Do you talk to Mum? You didnt say how long ago you lost her but even so you were both so very young. Nobody can really say how long the worst of the grieving process takes as we are all different. For me I’m OK one day and totally distraught the next. Mum would be so proud of you pushing on with your life. I can empathise with you when you say you feel lost and confused. Sometimes I operate like a mindless robot. Stay strong Kaucurl and live Mums life philosophy.

Love and Light
Geoff.

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