I didn’t treat my grandmother right

I lived with her for 10 years and got irritated inside every time she asked for tea or to put on a movie. She passed from a heart attack today and I wish I had more time to show that I’m a good granddaughter. I wish I did more for her. I wish I made her clothes like she asked me to. I wish I tolerated her more. I wish I learnt a few of her recipes. All these regrets are eating my up inside.

Odesza, it is one of the most common things to beat yourself up over certain things, when our loved ones pass. I am sure you were an excellent grand daughter, it is all part of the grieving process, it is 30 years since my dearly loved dad, passed away, yet I still feel guilty that I forgot to put jam on his toast when he asked me to. I was side tracked by visitors and I didn’t remember this very simple request until I was in bed that night. My dearly loved husband passed away 6 weeks ago tomorrow (Thursday), I feel so guilty that I wasn’t actually with him when he had passed away. In fact, I had gone across the road to call for a neighbour (medically trained) to ask her advice. I was out of our home barely 3 minutes and when I returned, he had passed away. Some people say that our loved ones hang on until their loved ones are out of the room before they die, I feel that this was the case with my husband, to save more distress. I shall never know if this was the case until we “meet” again and I am certain that one day we shall be reunited. What a blessed time, that will be. My love and admiration to all of you who so generously share their private feelings, I am so grateful. Blessed be. Mary

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Hi there, you will have all these feelings and more I’m afraid. It’s part of grief, as so many of us are finding out.
I keep apologising to my husband for things I feel I should have done better. Did I look after him good enough, did I let him down, did he know I loved him, did I argue with him when I shouldn’t have. These feelings go on and on.
My grandmother and I was very close and she was so supportive in everything I did as a child. Now I keep remembering things like. Why didn’t I invite her to my house more in the latter years of her life. Why didn’t I visit her more. Why was I so selfish at times. These thoughts relate to my mother and father also. So it seems to be something we have to get through and part of the grieving process. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Remember her with the love that you obviously felt for her.
Good luck

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My mum died 4 weeks ago. I pick over every time I may have been tired and short with her. When I moaned to my husband that they made arrangements difficult because her and dad didn’t like doing a lot. When I got upset if I didn’t see her much. It goes over and over in my mind. I feel like the worse daughter ever. Even though people tell me I was a brilliant daughter.

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