I can sit on a chair for a few minutes, when our neighbours cat visits in the mornings, but I can’t sit there and watch TV yet.
I do feel close to her, saying good morning and good night every day, but it’s just that room I don’t like at the moment. It’s silly I know
People are not intentionally thoughtless, it’s just what people say and to be honest, what I would have said before losing my wife.
Losing her and seeing what others have experienced has really opened my eyes as to how bad this grief can be.
When people say things like that, I just say thanks and move on. I don’t start a conversation about it.
Because of my wife’s health issues, the last real holiday we had was going across Canada, by train, in 2007, so I intend getting away somewhere, hopefully this year. Not because anyone has told me to, it’s because I want to. She will come with me in my mind.
It’s not silly. It’s how we feel. We can’t help the way we feel. We miss our other halves terribly. We all do what helps us. I sit on the bed with his ashes talking to his photo. Some people will think that’s silly but I don’t. It helps me so I’ll do what helps me xx
Doing whatever helps you is best.
I was keeping busy and fine this morning until my son sent me a form I had to sign for the Land Registry.
I had to get out an original copy of the death certificate to send to them to remove her name from the deeds. That set me off sobbing.
It seems so final when you have to eradicate your partner’s name from things like house deeds, banks and so on.
I understand legal implications, but it hurts🥲
I know how you feel I hated changing legal things and I definitely don’t like putting widow as marital status it gets me every time. I still was getting post from the bank in his name when I called them they said sorry but it takes eight weeks to clear off their system. It is awful when post lands on the mat with his name. There are so many triggers for us all.
The post sets me off as well.
Luckily, I think the banks are sorted
Yeah I said exactly the same. It upset me every time I had to take my husbands name off. Even down to the car and house insurance. I haven’t taken him off the land registry though. I didn’t know I had too ?
Yes you do, especially if you want to sell up and move like I do.
My son found the link and I’ll send the form tomorrow. They do need an official or certified copy of the death certificate.
Oh thank u. I didn’t even know x
I only thought about it because I intended moving in the next few months.
There’s so much to do. Luckily my son has been doing the majority of the executor stuff.
I’ve just done it. Thank you x
I am going through the same thing but having spoken to the solicitor last week he told me that as long as I am the executor and probate has been granted there is no requirement to change the names on the deeds in fact if I do I will in effect pay twice as here in Scotland the change in title deeds is treated as a full conveyance in exactly the same way as selling the house would be.
I do remember that when my Father in law passed my wife who was the executor did not have to change the title deeds and was able to sell his house once the probate was granted, I would suggest that you speak to an estate agent who will put you right.
Hope this makes sense.
While there is a capability for Estate agent to do it, the Gov site advises you to update land registry records.
I am doing it now to save time when I come to sell it.
There does seem to be differences in Scotland for sell houses though.
Regardless of the type of ownership, updating the Land Registry is crucial after a death to ensure accurate records of ownership. This involves submitting a death certificate and the appropriate forms to the Land Registry, which will then update the title accordingly.
Fair enough unfortunately here it needs a solicitor to do the work and would cost about £900 by the time the robbing so and so’s have had their pound of flesh and to be fair to the solicitor I am using he put me straight.
Trust me having done my father in laws probate for my wife I much prefer the simpler English/Welsh way of doing it everything up here seems to need a solicitor and costs, the equivalent of probate up will cost me in the region of £1500 and more if anything goes wrong!!!.
Hello @Heartbroken12,
I am so very sorry that your beloved has died - it is so hard, so brutal, I know.
I read your post and so much of what you describe, and how you feel, I felt exactly, three years ago when my husband Tom died after a long and painful decline thanks to cancer.
I too, felt I had died with him. We didn’t have children either, so I know that deep emptiness and silence only too well. I staggered along, blasted with loneliness and loss - carried along by grief - gasping for air and missing him so much I begged him to come home each night - pleading into the darkness as I lay in the bed we had once shared.
Those early days I crawled, my friend. I inched along, battling through the admin and all manner of other disasters. Alone.
Slowly, as the days, weeks, then months and years went by, I got stronger. I stood up. I walked forward. I am now over three years in and the immediate pain and loss do recede but - here’s hope - the love remains, the deep love we shared has not receded, has not gone.
Today, I am in our home high in the mountains. Our bed here finally gave out and I had to replace it. Grief came calling for me as I made the arrangements, ordered the new one, got help to come and collapse the old bed ( big, metal frame, heavy, etc). When the bits of the old bed came apart, there on the frame was Tom’s surname, painted on, in his handwriting. Sucker punch, right? Whoa. Winded.
But, the new bed arrived, is gorgeous, is all made up with fresh new linen and is so tall and enormous I will need steps to climb in. It’s good. It’s right. It’s all part of the movement forward we have to take because we are still here. We can do happy and sad at the same time. I promise you, it will be ok and you are walking towards here, slowly but steadily.
Rev Richard Coles has a great expression for describing how he felt after his husband died. When people enquired “how are you?”, he said “I’m vertical and facing forward” - which is all we can hope for. I found it handy. Maybe you will, too.
My friend, while it may not seem it right now - it will get easier. It will get better. You will walk again. You will run again. You will feel the sun on your face and not feel bad.
This has been a long old post - but I wanted to try and explain how we can move forward, beyond the worst while holding on to the best. And grief will be a companion, yes, but in time you will be accustomed to its ways and means. Ultimately for me, it has been a source of strength.
Hold tight, hang on, today will pass. The long weekend will go through ok. Just love yourself, ok? Give yourself permission and eat a big Easter egg. Or have a glass of wine or whatever helps you.
You have a whole community of friends on here now who are with you and who understand it all. You will find us when you need us.
Take care, your friend on this long road,
Vancouver
Thank you for your positive message. Of course I can not see that far ahead now but I truly hope I will get to where you are now some day, but of course now all I can see is darkness sadly. My husband before is his diagnosis had a mega sweet tooth so of course he loved Easter eggs. I had a friend visit me this morning, it’s strange I know it’s the Easter weekend but it doesn’t feel like it, this time last year it was hot cross buns but this I couldn’t even be bothered. As there are no children it doesn’t matter that there are no Easter egg hunts etc.
I guess it was only last month my soulmate passed but it feels like forever.
Your story re the bed, in December 2023 we got a brand new massive bed which I use to love but now it feels so big and empty, even though those last few weeks my husband was sleeping in the spare room for comfort, it still was ok but now.
You are right I do find this site a blessing, I don’t have many of those these days so glad of this one.
Sending hugs 
We had a Super King size bed, we bought when we moved here in 1999, but my wife had to move downstairs and sleep on a sofa bed. So I ended up sleeping in a huge bed on my own.
Eventually the mattress started sagging, so we decided to buy a King size for me. It was delivered 10 days after she passed. 
At least it’s more comfortable and will be easier when I move. It still feels lonely though.
I know how you feel. My wife died 5 weeks ago and I feel I died that day too
One whole month now and I still die every day but the days are getting longer and the crying sessions are getting slightly fewer but the memories remain.
I share our bed with the three pillows my wife used two that she used in the normal way and one that the alway cuddled while asleep that pillow now always lays where she used to lay and I always say good night and good morning to her and give the pillow a little stroke in the same way as I used to stroke her bum every night and morning even if it did annoy her .
The other thing I have done is to place an enlarged version of my favourite picture of her on the wall beside my side of the bed so that the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night is my darling wife smiling at me probably not to everybody’s taste but it helps me.
This highlights one of the major problems we all have is that the grief we feel is very personal and what works for one of us will not necessarily work for others but the beauty of this forum and the wonderful people who contribute allows us to learn and try things which gives us the chance to find some comfort as hard as that may be.
Aww I feel your pain. Saturday night again and just sat here in my own crying as I do most nights. Went to the Trafford Centre today to change my old phone to my husbands new phone but had a complete meltdown and even made the mad in the Apple Store cry !! So needless to say, it didn’t get done. This is what happens every time I try to do anything to do with changes to his things. I’m just so heartbroken without him. So u really do know how you’re feeling 