I don’t know where to turn.......

I lost my beloved Grandad coming up for 6 months ago! I was his main carer, spent all my spare time with him, did everything for him, would move heaven & earth for him.
I live 5 doors down from him, he was my 3rd child! Today his house sold…the last part of him, the place I go, to smell him, to be with him. The pain I feel is physical & I just can’t bear it any longer.
I thought my heart broke when I lost my Nan but this is indescribable!

Sounds like he was a very important man in your life and I’m so sorry to hear of your grief.

So many losses, your Nan, your beloved granddad and now the last tangible contact in your relationship with him, but OH how lucky they were to have had a granddaughter like you, what a special person you must be.

Grief hurts, there’s no mistaking that and all we can all do it talk to who ever will listen to us, be it family, friends or forums like this one - one warning, be selective.

You will know between your family and friends who you have been able to rely on and it is those you must turn to now.

It sounds to me as if there was nothing he wanted for, he may have been wonderful but he was equally lucky to have you who probably gave him many more years than he might have had.

I am copying here a statement you made - ‘The pain I feel is physical & I just can’t bear it any longer.’ That’s sounds very much like you are bottling it up and perhaps trying to appear as if you can manage.

If you feel you have no-one or you are unable to talk then write a letter to your granddad, tell him how you are feeling, give yourself an opportunity to release some of those painful feelings.

You need do nothing with these letter, perhaps you might put them all in a box, but they are only for your eyes, so you can write whatever you want.

Another little tool is to place a photograph of him on a chair opposite the one you are sitting in, then you can talk to him again telling him how much pain you are feeling. I do this with my husbands chair, he too died six months ago, I can assure you it’s very helpful.

But whatever you are able to do to help yourself feel just a little better try and do it, maybe going to see your doctor and asking his/her for help, or joining a local bereavement group, your doctor should have contact numbers.

Everyone on this forum would wish to help you, so I’m very glad you found it.

Gogs x

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