I don’t know who I am anymore

I used to be scared of dying … I’m not anymore because I can be with my dad again.
The pain isn’t getting easier it’s harder I have cried most of the day.
I don’t want to be a wife or a mum anymore as I can’t be a daughter with a dad. I am not saying I would ever do something to myself I’m just saying I am lost. I have told my husband tonight that I can’t be the wife I was and never wil be again I cannot be intimate anymore and don’t want him to be near me that way again. I love him and always will but cannot fulfil that side of the relationship.
If someone handed me the tickets to a beautiful island right now I would not go I just do not know what happy is anymore .


Hi @Kim14,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,

Hi, I’m so sorry for your pain. You don’t say how long ago your Dad died, but however long, be kind to yourself. Grief changes us all but in time you’ll adapt to the absence of your Dad in the physical world. You don’t have to make drastic decisions about the future, take each day as it comes. Feeling confused about who you are is normal as parents provide the foundation of our world. I have felt much the same after losing my Mum in January. I’m sure your husband will understand the impact of grief on your emotions. Keep sharing how you feel, perhaps counselling might help? Best wishes xx

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You sound really unhappy and in need of professional support Don’t suffer alone get help please

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Hi Kim14, I feel the same way. I lost my mum to Stage IV esophagus cancer in 26th May 2023. She was my best friend, we were very close. I have no siblings and I do not have my father in my life. I’m 27 and have lived with my mum my whole life. I may not be able to completely understand your situation, but I’m here for you. I know that grief is life changing, it takes away your life and makes you feel so lost and alone. I have said something similar to my fiance, I said that I can’t be the future wife he’d want. But if someone sees and supports you at your worst, then it paves the way for some good. I am still struggling with the loss of my mum, every day, it’s like a new hell, unbearable. I also thought about just wanting to be with my mum, not caring about the future. One thing she did tell me though is to live my life, stand up for what you believe in. I know I don’t know you so I can’t comment or give you much advice, but I’m a fighter and I am sure you are too. Fight the grief, don’t let it take away everything you have worked so hard for.