.My husband passed away in May and I’m really struggling. I used to look forward to the weekend but now I dread it, everyone seems to be busy with their families or being a couple. I only spoke to one person all weekend as people think I’m doing ok as it’s been over 3 months since my husband died. I get messages from friends saying “I hope you are ok” but I know they don’t want to hear the truth which is “ no I am not ok, I struggle every day and am just going through the motions, I am lost, I am lonely, I am scared, I am worried, I miss him so very much”. How do people cope?
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Hi Mandy
I hope you are ok. I know exactly how you feel, I was like that every day up until the last month, the feeling scared and being worried just takes over. It can be the tiniest thing such as did I lock the door to what is my future it was constant, and totally draining I am not sure what changed, and I am not saying it has gone away but it is not as bad as it was. The loneliness is always there, the empty house and nobody to share with that’s the hard bit. I a. 9 months in so hoping time is a healer. Look after yourself x
Hi Mandy
My wife passed away in April. I am going through all the same emotions as you. The days are very long and hard. Like you I’ve never experienced these feelings. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The only positive I can find at the moment is on this site and listening to people who say it can get easier further down the line. It doesn’t seem possible at the moment. I just hope I can get up one day and just feel slightly better.
Keep posting, it’s good to be involved with people in the same boat.
Gary
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Hi Viv.
I’m glad to read that some days are a bit easier for you.
I had my family weekend. Two grandsons stayed over on Saturday. It was all good and we even talked about grandma without us getting upset. I think it’s important they still relate to her.
Sunday was the family lunch. That was difficult, I kept staring at the empty seat but I managed to hold it together. That was until they all went home and I was on my own again. I found it really upsetting, the guilt of enjoying myself without Dianne. I’ve felt the same today. My three daughters contacted me to say they were going through the same emotions, upset at having a good time without their mum.
I don’t know how long it takes to get past the guilt and sadness but I hope it’s soon.
Take care
Gary
Hi Gary - I am glad you had a good time, I am sure Dianne would want that, and of course you must talk about her , she existed and the reason why you have those lovely girls and grandsons., this was your first one, so keep doing it, each time it gets easier. The kids missed their Dad a lot, so we do talk. My youngest grandaughter when asked if she misses him says no, he is a butterfly I see him all the time.
Weekends are the worse for me, so this weekend myself, the kids and grandkids had a takeaway, and it was the first time in 9 months that we all actually laughed about some of the daft things that hubby had done and didn’t feel bad about it. It was good. I was a bit low when I got home, but not as bad as the week before. I am hoping it will be good again next weekend.
Today I had the day off and looked after my 3 yr old grandaughter, she likes playing with my perfume, and found last years Christmas perfume present that arrived just after the death. I haven’t opened it yet, and it has a personal message inside, so that’s a hard one. She wanted to play with it I had a little wobble when I had to explain as best I could, but I was ok.
Some people don’t believe, but when I see a white feather in my path then it’s a loved one coming to say hello, so when I see one I say hello. I had my drive done a couple of weeks ago, so asked do you like the flags, and another feather arrived, then today there were 5 on the path. My daughter commented on it, so we both said hello. It may be daft, but I get some comfort from it.
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Hi Viv
It’s not daft. As long as the feathers are important to you and it gives you comfort that’s all that matters. My thing is butterflies, my daughters are convinced it’s their mum contacting us.
I had a very emotional moment over the weekend with my 7 year old grandson. It’s his birthday this month and he said he had thrown a coin in a wishing well. He decided to tell me what he’d wished for. I thought it would be a bike or a dog but he said he wished he could meet grandma one more time 🥲
I’ve replied to another one of your messages on this site earlier. You said you were from Altrincham and you were interested in finding out about local groups.I’m only down the road And would be interested in the same if you find out about any. Also if you were interested in a walk and a chat anytime you could private message me. I recently met a guy in the bank and he was changing the names on his account like me because his wife had passed away. We’ve met a couple of times over the past weeks for a walk and chat and it’s like a breath of fresh air meeting someone in the same boat. It’s not been morbid we’ve just had a friendly chat and picked up a bit of good advice from each other.
Take care
Gary
Hi Gary
Yes I saw the message will PM you. You may have something about the butterflies as my 3 yr old Granddaughter said the same.
Speak soon
Hi Gary
Thank you for your message and sharing your feelings I have never used this community before and have found it really helpful and comforting as I felt like I was the only one who was feeling like this.
I am trying to find my new normal but having been part of a couple for nearly 28 years it is very hard. It’s the little things I realise I took for granted - sharing the chores, having someone to speak to first thing in the morning, watching the tv in companionable silence, holding hands when out walking.
Friends and family have been supportive but when we are all together ( everyone is a couple) I feel very lonely and aware that I am ‘the odd number’
Take care
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Hi Mandy
I’m sorry for your loss. Your not alone. The people on this site are all going through very difficult emotions. Your right, it’s the simple things we miss like chatting about your day, holding hands and going for walks as a couple.I also miss the laughter. It’s a lonely existence even with the support of your family. We all expected to grow old together.
Keep posting, it does help
Take care
Gary
Your right Gary, little things we took for granted, are greatly missed
I have never been so lonely but reading all your emails and all feeling the same is not so lonely
I feel the same about weekends, I really dislike them .I think because we imagine that everybody is enjoying themselves and having a good time except us, and that is not the truth
Also I find after a short while of losing someone close most people don’t bother with seeing you or asking you for tea or a chat because people get on with there lives and we have probably all been guilty of that
.
Hi Mandy I’m Neil, my Mum passed away end of June, and I miss her so much, yes I hate getting through times when I would go and see her at weekends.
So much reminds me of her everywhere, or just start crying for no reason in Sainsburys!
I am going to get some counselling help from the hospice my Mum was in. You are so right about people asking how you are and you replying okay!
Want to tell them just how you feel, I get really lonely to for the 1st time in my life
Hi Neil thank you for your reply, I lost my mum 4 years ago, my dad 2 years ago, my husband in May and father in law in August I used to do my parents shopping and even now I get upset when I see an item that I used to buy for them.
I too feel lonely for the first time although I am keeping busy and seeing friends and family. I am planning to go to our local bereavement cafe, not sure what to expect but I hope it will help me.
Take care and keep posting
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Hi Mandy am so sorry for your losses, yes you must see so many reminders, it’s such a feeling of emptiness as well, hope the bereavement cafe helps you will look up one near me in Manchester.
Take care and yes keep in touch