I don’t want to be alone without my husband

Hi everyone
I am suddenly panicking at the thought of the reality of being alone and single after my husband suddenly passed away on 10th May. I am 45 , this is not the life I chose or anyone else reading. I was so happy being married and family life was great.
The thought of being alone is just unbearable and it’s not what I want. I know I can’t have what I want …my husband back :disappointed:

Jools, I too cannot imagine living without my other half, my wife. There is nothing anybody can do or say, except share the pain. God bless you.

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I know how you both feel and each day I think another one by myself. The lockdown has made it all more difficult. I can only say you learn to live with it but I don’t think I will ever get use to it. Somedays I think on the positive things, like just doing what I want, staying in bed until mid morning or having an drink when I know we won’t have, yes silly things but that’s the new life. Take care. xxx

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It is just so hard isn’t it. I can’t believe Mark’s funeral was 2 weeks ago today already, that makes me sad as I realise I haven’t actually seen or spoken to him for what seems an eternity now.
I still sometimes can’t get my head around what happened as this was not expected, I realise it was such a huge shock and this is how it is affecting me. None of us know what our future’s hold for us so I am just taking this day by day . Some days are very dark other days are slightly brighter. Thinking of everyone dealing with this xx

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Hi jools,
My heart goes out to you, it’s so early days for you and so raw.
It’s seven months for me and when I think back to those early days, the shock of it all is immense it seems like yesterday but ages aswell.
You’re right none of us know what the future holds, we never would of thought this would happen to us.
But here we are with this new life we don’t want, all we can do is try to get through each day as best we can , it’s good to have support from the lovely people on here, it does help, even a little bit.
Thinking of you and everyone in this awful situation we are all in
Steph x

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Hi Steph
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry for your loss it’s still early days for you too.
I am lucky that I have our daughters at home 14 & 22 and we are all supporting each other. Also have good family & friends but there are days when you just want to shut everyone out and try and deal with this in your own way.
My husband, Mark & I were a private couple we weren’t the ones to tell everyone our business and I’m finding that hard. I know people are genuinely concerned but there is a certain family member not blood related who I feel is not genuine and I don’t feel comfortable with her concerns. I guess in time you truly find out who really matters in your life xx

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That’s good having your children at home you’ve all got each other close for support.
I’ve got my youngest daughter at home with me, she’s 21, she was very close to her dad, it hurts to see your children suffering. my other two daughters have got their own homes now.
We were a private couple like you and Mark and it is hard, you learn who is genuine as you go along.
But do what you want to do, don’t please others, you have to put you and your kid’s first, If you want time on your own behind the front door that’s what you should do .
Take care xx

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Hi
You are not alone without your husband. It has been over a year for me since I lost my husband and he is with me every second of every day. I know what he liked and disliked, I know if he would be pleased about something and I can hear him making some dry remark about things that I am doing. They may not be with us physically and this is hard at first but as time goes on you begin to realise that the love you shared is still there and they haven’t gone away, they are firmly in your heart. If I am troubled I have some sign and feel much better.
Give yourself time to make decisions and find out who you can trust. I had a good relationship with all my husbands family for thirty years but not one of them have offered a moment of support and quite shocked me. Non of them seem bothered even his daughters. This hurt so much in the first months, I thought I must have done something wrong.
My husband and I were also private people and I was determined to learn to like my own company and not be a burden or rely on anyone and asked nothing of them. However the love and support I thought I might have received hasn’t materialised. Now I realise I don’t need any one of them.
xx

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Hi thank you for your replies. It is very hard to watch your kids going through their grief. Our youngest daughter who’s 14 was so close to her dad and she has his same crazy personality. They used to take silly selfies and do Tik Toks together, she feels sad that she’ll never make any new ones with him.
I just miss Mark so much and wish that he would do something to let me know that he’s ok . I have had a few signs but just feel I need this to comfort me. Xx

I totally understand. I’m 2 weeks since my wife passed suddenly of cancer that was diagnosed as menapause. I’m usually strong but cry and fall apart constantly day and night. Covid does not help. It is a case of learning bro try and cope. No-one will understand unless gone through it. By being on here is a way of sharing positives

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Hi jool1
I lost my husband Jan suddenly, and had been married 47 brilliant years with five children
The lock down has made me depressive at times
But I think after all episodes of grief I am finally seeing some light
Keep your chin and talk lots to anyone, it does help
Chris

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Hello Jools, so sad for you and everyone else on this site

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Jools.We all understand on here because we are all suffering the same pain.My husband has been gone a year on April 26th.Its a tough journey as I was married for 40yrs & I don’t like being alone even tho I have a wonderful family and friends.Evenings and weekends are the worst. Keep strong.Jeanette.x

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Thank you it’s a particularly bad weekend with it being Father’s Day tomorrow and Mark’s been gone 6 weeks tomorrow. Feel it for my daughters xx

Sending. love to all who will be finding tomorrow so painful xxxx

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Hi Jools,
I am 44 and my husband was 39 years old. I lost him due to heart attack suddenly as he was healthy and no problems with heart. He was a fan.ily man. He loved me and our son who is 7 years old and his family.
His funeral was last Friday and still can not believe he has gone. Can not understand. We were a great team now he is not here I am lost so sad. Missing him every day so much.
How shall I carry on, need to be strong for our son .

Trying

I’m do sorry Nuran. Im49 and lost my wife few weeks ago. Funeral was last Tuesday. I totally understand how you feel. Shocked, numb, frightened for the future and having a young son… I don’t have children but I am left with her mum who is housebound.
Hope you find the support you need on here

Hi Nuran
I am sorry to hear about your loss. Life is just so hard when we lose our soulmate/father of our children. The pain is just awful isn’t it. All our hopes and dreams wiped away from under our feet in an instant.
How is your son coping? You are very lucky to have him and your husband will live on in him. I am also lucky to have 2 beautiful daughters who keep me going. We just take a day at a time as I believe that is all you can do . Xx

Thanks Jools1. I still can not believe this has happened and thinking Andy has gone on a long holiday or I never had him as he was too good to be true. He was a great daddy and husband,mostly he had the best heart. I have not seen anyone like him. He was the most kind, caring, not judgemental, thoughtful and generous. Everyone loved him as he saw everyone equal and he was the one of the hard working guy ever. He has done everything for us but now I am thinking is it worth? As I have never imagined enjoying the things we built things without him? As he deserves everything more than I do. Life is so cruel and unfair as I have never thought my child will not see his brilliant dad again.So what is the meaning of life? For me my son now. As my love left me a gift to look after him really well as Andy has never let me down so I can not even thinking letting him down.
Of course my son is missing his dad and crying. It breaks my heart into millions pieces as we always wanted our son to be with his both parents. Is it fair? We were very private and hard working couple now thinking we have done many many things in life and we were looking forward to do it. This chance option has not given to my love or neither to me.
My mother in law told me today after seeing my love’s corpse I became more determined. The corpse was for me was not my love. How can I as my love will always be in my heart, mind everywhere all my life. As I found my love late and lost so early…

And Jools1 I am grateful again to my Andy he left behind such a precious son cxx

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