I think part of the problem is that others can’t , or choose, not to see that we are not the same people we used to be. Our whole life has been turned upside down and we are having to learn to survive day by day , hour by hour , minute by minute.
I think some may think I’m melodramatic, that it can’t be that bad and it’s time I pulled myself together.
They have no idea of the effort it takes just to find that another day has dawned without our loved ones .
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I’m not as far on (timewise) as you but your words ring very true for me. I don’t want to be this person, I never asked to be this person and I don’t see any purpose other than making sure my kids don’t suffer more. I am having counselling but no one can take away this pain or make it right again. What is the target here - to ‘get through’ every day? I am managing to do that (just) but for what? To get through another day the same.
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This never ending pain and suffering has no meaning at all. I can endure everything if there is hope that I can look forward to. Clearly I can’t expect anything now.
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Hi lucky star
I can totally relate to what you are saying
It seems like everything has just come to a stop
The pain I’m in at the moment is horrendous
My mind and physically every part of my body is in pain or feel like when you have the flu just aching everywhere
People say it will get easier I could do anything with my Ian beside me now he’s gone I just want to be with him
Marie x
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I know EXACTLY how you feel. I walked in the house tonight and thought ‘I can’t do this anymore’ , I want to be with him. His voice keeps coming back to me. He didn’t have a choice of life, I do.
Admittedly I don’t feel I want it but he went through hell on Earth to stay with me, was that all a waste of his time? Every day is a day closer to him coming back for me, I’m not scared. I want to be with him but it has to be eventually I guess. If I could have stopped his suffering there and then I would have. It wasn’t my decision or his. I’ve come to the conclusion 6 weeks on, that the pain I’m feeling is the price of the deep love we had for each other. The pain he went through, is immeasurable. Keep that chin up, the darkest days are the worst, the loneliness in the pit of your stomach is horrendous but knowing he was going to die was even worse. My nightmare has come to fruition, nothing else can hurt me now x
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