I don't know if this is helping me or not

Losing a partner
#1

Found this website by accident. Reading all the posts make me cry. But let’s face it everything makes me cry.
My husband died on 30th Nov last year and I can’t get over it. He died 2 days before our 51st wedding anniversary. It’s coming up to when the shit hit the fan and be was blue lighted into hospital and 4 days later he died. I am lost and In a very dark place . Apogies for man

I really don’t know if this helping me being on this website. It was a shock to find so many people feeling as I do.

#2

Jean each loss is different , each death is different but we all feel the same feelings utter devastation, complete loss, guilt, abandonment, anger, pain , loneliness, relief, so much more. You are coming up to a difficult first, like us all you will have moment of this time last year etc it is no surprise you feel the way you do. We do understand and will give support as much as we can . Take care x

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#3

I also understand your response about this website I too have been overwhelmed by the all consuming pain on here but also the capacity that we can love each other as human being has been equally as astounding. The level of support on here when you ask for it is really helpful, interestingly enough you see people including myself progress thru their grief, no big sprints small steps,

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#4

Everything,such silly things, make me cry too. I was surprised at the number of people here as well, and then I think “and that is only a small percentage”… I usually cry when I come on here, because I hear my own grief in other people’s words or some burdens seem so much greater than mine. Sometimes the tears are for me, sometimes them and often for all of us. But I have also laughed, and left the site feeling some comfort or relief. If you want or need to talk about how you are truly feeling, this is a good place to do so. For me, it has helped to talk freely and openly about such a personal tragedy. This in turn has allowed me to see that there is hope for a light to break through my darkness.
I’m sure this must be a terrible time for you and I don’t really have any adequate words…be gentle with yourself - our body, mind and soul have been wounded - you can take as much time as you need to heal yourself - it’s a hard journey, and I fear it will be a long one, but we have to keep trying.

#5

Thank you both for replying.
In a strange way it is a comfort to realise that it is “normal” to feel the way I do. I really thought that I was being pathetic, inadequate, useless etc.
It is also awful to realise that so many others feel the way I do. So many of us at this moment crying because another long day without our loved one is beginning.
I wish the pain would go away
Love to you all
Jean

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#6

Hi Jean Jeanie, I’m very sorry to hear about the death of your husband. Please don’t think that you should ‘get over it’. People say that you never really get over grief, but you do eventually find ways to live alongside it.

I’m glad that this site has helped reassure you that your feelings are normal. However, I do understand that it can also be upsetting to read about other people’s grief. Different forms of support are right for different people, so if you feel that it is upsetting you more than it is helping you, then you can absolutely stop using it, or take a step back and only log in at the times when it feels right. You can also control your email notifications by editing your profile, so you don’t get surprised by upsetting posts in your inbox.

I just wanted to let you know that, if you think you might benefit from a more one-on-one form of support (as well as or instead of the community), we also offer an online bereavement counselling service, which takes place over video chat. Find out more here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling/about

#7

It’s a bit of a shock when you realise there are so many people grieving and having those same feeling as yourself. You think that it’s only you that is suffering this terrible grief.
I am on the same journey as you and it hasn’t got easier as I was told it would, in fact as we come up to the first year it has got harder. I am now remembering those terrible weeks before he died and all those days that he did things for the lat time. The ;last time he drove the car, sat in the garden, had a decent meal, went outside, we went for a meal together. Little things that now mean so much.
I have found that the forum does help but I’m careful how I deal with things and if I’m strong enough to cope with other peoples pain. But we do help each other, even make each other laugh at times. Only here will you find the understanding from others that have gone, or going through the same intense pain.
I am probably crying as much now as I did at the beginning but this is showing my love for my man. I am remembering and I don’t want to forget really. Does it get easier and will the pain go away. I have no idea.

#8

Like you I am looking back to this time last year. My husband was diagnosed with a cancer called Myeloma in Feb. By October he was responding well to the treatment. The chemo had ended and he was beginning to be more like his old self. Putting weight on. Appetite returning. We knew there was no cure for this cancer, but people can live for years with treatment.
But in November he had a nasty chest infection, his breathing was laboured and I had to phone for an ambulance. One thing led to another and he died 4 days later.
I cry every day and sometimes think my heart will burst. Like all of you I am good at putting on a brave face and very rarely break down in front of family and friends.
Thinking of you all
Jean

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