I don't know what to do

I feel like I never had the choice to grieve or not, to come to terms with what happened. I was thrown back into the ‘normal’ system of life and school two days after she passed away. I had exams this year so it was important to focus on that and I had a distraction. But now I don’t. I finished school and am left with days of silence and no meaning. When I think about her and our friendship it hurts, it hurts too much. So I don’t. I feel like she’s faded. I don’t feel her presence anymore. And it’s as if her existence was a fading dream. I don’t feel the need to speak to anyone about the way I feel but I need someone to understand me.

I think it’s so hard to understand how everyone carries on when your life has so drastically change. Keeping busy it a good distraction, it’s 3 weeks since I lost my Mam and im really struggling to except it. I know you say you don’t need to talk to anyone but it may help you grieve take care xx