Two and a half months later I’m still hurting from losing my elderly mum. I don’t know what to do. Today I have just sat and cried a lot. This morning I subbed and shouted out for mum. I just can’t seem to move on without her. She was a huge part of my life, my mum, my friend and my go to person even though I’m nearly 60! I have no husband, children etc but have a sister and niece who I see now and again but they seem to be able to carry on. They miss mum too but are able to proceed with their lives. I can’t. I’m afraid of the future, I want to see mum still. I want to carry on but don’t know how to. I’ve talk to her out loud, I write to her to get things off my chest, but I need her here physically with me. I just cannot get on with my life, I don’t know how, I don’t even think I care about my future, but I am scared. If all’s well, I’ll have another 20 years or so of life on this earth left, but without mum ???
Hi,
I’ve just lost my mum, 2 weeks ago and I feel the exact same as you. I’ve also been shouting for her the past couple of days and asked her to show me how to carry on. I’m 38 and I have no parent alive now, we were so close as a family but after dad died the family lost it’s glue and really it was only mum and I and my brother now and again. The relationship we shared was such a close, beautiful bond and I know I’ll never ever share that with anyone else. Everyday it hurts, everything hurts and I’m alone.
Hope we can both find a way through this life without our beloved mum’s xx
So sorry you’re struggling. I have found a way forward by knowing that my Mum would want me to make the most of my life, I try and live the best I can because she can’t anymore. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself x
I just wanted to reach out because your post really resonated with me. I lost my mum 6 months ago and I just cannot comprehend all those years ahead without Mum. I have no partner or children either, and during the last year of Mums life i lost my job whilst i was caring for her, so i also have the prospect of trying to rejoin the job market. But it all just seems meaningless - whats the point?
Its still really soon after your Mum has gone so i think its completely normal to feel like this. Friends suggested all sorts of social activities to me as if distracting me is going to make it better, but i had zero interest. One tip i heard is not to think about “how am i going to live the next 20 years without my lived one?” because you dont need to get through the next 20 years right now. Just focus on " what do i need to get me through this next week /next day?".
Are you getting any support aside from family/friends - have you considered attending a local support group or accessing bereavement counselling? These can be beneficial - i joined a support group around the 2 month mark and found it really helpful to be with other people in a similar situation. Ive just started counselling and im hoping that might help give me the strength and the desire to face the future.
I think grief takes as long as it takes so just take everything at your pace. Please feel free to message me if you ever want to chat! 
I’m sorry. I can relate. Like you I’m alone and I lost my dad, who was everything to me. Suddenly the years ahead seem endless and terrifying and I imagine I can carry on, but why? I really, really don’t want to and I don’t know what to do. Or even who to be anymore. Sending hugs. 
I can relate too. Mum and I lived together, I was her carer which left no time for friends or… well anything much.
Besides working full time from home (which I also did when she was alive), I’m fortunate that I have our cat to take care of, and she’s become much more affectionate since mum passed. If I didn’t have her I don’t think I’d do much at weekends other than bury myself under the duvet and wait for Monday to roll around
I can really relate to reading all the messages here. I was a carer for my mum until she died, and feel a real loss of identity both as a carer since her passing, and as a son (both my parents have died.) I’ve no partner or children either, so maybe that makes the loss of identity even greater?
I can also relate to what people have said about living out the rest of my life without my parents (I’m in my 50’s) and how that can seem a bleak prospect. Even if I can accept my parents have gone, how do I accept living the rest of my life without them?
I often think I’m alone in feeling like this, so it helps to know there’s others who feel like I do. Take care all.
I’m sure it contributes to the loss of identity. Being so close to our parent also means our daily routines have been changed in a way it wouldn’t be otherwise and that too leaves us floundering. 
Yes, mum and I lived together too as I was also mum’s carer. I think part of me is the feeling of guilt - could I have done more, could I have done things better/ different, should I have got help, - mum didn’t want 'strangers looking after her’s. I’m still in the house, with a lot of mum’s things around me. Now and again I see something, and I think " mum and I were going to look at that this year" or mum was going to wear that in the summer etc. Things just bring back tearful memories but I can’t get rid of these things. It’s hard and like wading through mud.
Same position, carer for mum, no partner or children, I’m in my late 50’s too. Lost both parents now. Floundering, do I want to continue? Yes and No. Maybe, maybe not. No support groups in my area. Lost interest in doing the garden - I did it for mum to have something nice to look out the window at. I used to like to read but can’t concentrate, not sure where I’ll be in the future. Best wishes to you, sorry for your loss. I know I’m not the only one but sometimes it really feels like I am.
It hits me at the most ridiculous of moments.
Watching a tv programme she used to watch; feel sad she won’t know the end of the storyline.
Cat does something funny; she isn’t there to laugh along too.
It doesn’t help that she really suffered while in hospital (formal complaint is underway), and I wish I’d never had her admitted.
Don’t think that guilt will ever go away.
You’ve said my words about TV, hospital - exactly the same. A book she started reading and won’t know the ending, there was even a funny moments when she was here regarding what a neighbour was doing to his garden and we were guessing outcome, now I know and I can’t tell her, … it’s odd to most people but to me it’s ‘something’. I even dont know what she was thinking or trying to say in the hospital, she was so distressed, I wish I knew what was going on in her mind because sometimes I think I interpreted it wrong, trying to guess what she was saying and she got frustrated I didn’t know, that hurts me.
I keep being told that I need to stop thinking like that. That I’ll drive myself crazy.
I spent over an hour the day before she died holding her hand and apologising for anything and everything.
I hope she’s at peace now.
I totally agree about the loss of identity - i used to have people constantly saying “oh you’re such a good daughter” because i left my home and my job to care for mum in her final year. Everyone knew about mum - even my dentists receptionist! They would all ask how she was. So now, who am i? Some well meaning people would say “its time to live YOUR life now, to find your identity /transform your life”. But what if your reason for living is gone?
Im staying in mums house most of the time because i can see and hear her everywhere. It took me several months before i’d even switch her bedroom lamp off at night (she slept with it on). Im completely dreading having to pack up the house, which will be in the next few months.
Sending hugs to you all
It’s ok to have things around that remind you of your Mum, it’s comforting and nice to remember. No one can ever take that away. I am at a stage that I can smile at nice memories. You will get there too. Look after yourself
I lost my dad suddenly in August last year after a tragic accident & then lost my mum suddenly in January whilst on holiday in Australia.
I’ve had & have a lot to sort out as my siblings live abroad & one is very difficult which causes more stress. I’m the one who has rehomed the doggie, which broke my heart, I check on the house, have started clearing the house & I get so angry thst I have to do it all & they will just get their money when the house is sold, is that wrong, it’s not about the money it’s just that I’m having to deal with it all. I’m not coping well at all, since my dad died I looked after mum & I didn’t grieve properly for him, I’ve had things to focus on until now & now there’s nothing just emptiness & trying to imagine a future without them, mum was my rock Ed were so close & I really struggle without her here.
I’ve got no interest in anything I’m struggling hugely at work, I’m angry I cry, feel bad if I try to talk about it like I’m annoying people and thry think I should be over it now. Some days I just want it all to end & that scares me so much 