I don't know who I am without you

I don’t know who I am without you pauline. It was always us and we and now its just me. I have lost any confidence that I once had, not that I had much in the first place. But you always made me feel strong and that I could accomplish anything and I could with you by my side. But without you I’m so lost and empty and barely half the person I was. Every decision was discussed and made together. Now I have to make them all alone, what if I make the wrong choices. I doubt myself all the time and then think what would pauline do. I talk to you all the time as though you are still here. I know you are gone, but I can’t accept it and I can’t let you go and I don’t think I ever will. How can I, you are my heart my soul, every fibre of my being is yours and filled with love for you. All that I am is because of you and your love. You gave me the happiest years of my life and made life worth living. You were and always will be my life. I don’t live anymore babe, I exist to take care of our babies and keep my word to you. It will be ten months since I lost you on valentines day. It was always such a special day for us. But this year its going to hurt so bad, but then everyday hurts withoutyou. Your death has changed me so much, my heart is broken as am I. I’m muddling through each painful day and doing my best to make you proud, I know you were proud of me, you told me many times. But I have to do you justice and keep going, no matter how painful it is for me. I have always been empathic, but even more so since you passed. I love you pauline and I’m deeply and completely in love with you. It was an honour and a privilege to love you and to be loved by you and to have had you share your life with me, and for all of that and for making my life complete and for making me a better woman I thank you. Thanks to you I have felt and known true love and I will carry that and you with me for the rest of my days. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I love you more with each passing day. I miss you so much every part of me hurts, but as painful as this is, you are worth every bit of pain I feel. I just wish you were still here with me. Be at peace my beautiful angel xxxxx

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Aw Casey. That is another beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Xxxx
Thinking of you as always.

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That was so beautiful Casey x

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Awwww Casey, my heart goes out to you. The love you and Pauline had for each other shines brightly in every word you write. It was a deep love you both shared.
Another beautiful post
Much love, Janey xx

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Thank you Casey for sharing those beautiful thoughts with us. I can really feel what a lovely relationship you and Pauline have had together.
Sophie x

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Thank you all for your kind words and for replying to me. The support we all get and give on here is amazing and this community is so full of care for eachother. We were all so very lucky and blessed to have found our soulmates and to have shared the wonderful beautiful amazing love we did with them. God bless them and all of us. X

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Casey, once again you express your love for Pauline so beautifully.
I know there isn’t any beauty in grief, your words are a tribute to the love of your life, your Pauline.

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@M67 hi Maria thank you for your ever so kind words my friend. Sending love and hugs x