I don't understand


My partner committed suicide last week I really don’t know how to understand

Hi Debbie,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your partner to suicide. That is devastating for you, and it is not surprising that you feel unable to understand.

This site is a place for you to share how you are feeling and get support from others who have lost a loved one.

For example, we have a recent conversation here between Charity and Nina, who are both bereaved by suicide: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/i-lost-my-14-year-old-daughter-41014-suicide

We also have this conversation between MS, Janey and Ev, who all lost their partners suddenly: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-my-soul-mate-suddenly

Feel free to add your own replies to join in with either of those conversations.

There is also an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide who can offer you support with this particular type of loss. You can call them on 0300 111 5065 - they are open until 9 every day.

Dear Debbie50,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your post. I only joined this site myself a couple of days ago and this is my first post. I hope you will get the best support that you can.

Please look after yourself,


I’m new at this suicide thing but I’m sure we all are I had to throw away his toothbrush today as I kept brushing my teeth with my eyes closed I would go into fridge and see stuff only he ate but people think I’m being silly but it was me and my daughter that lived with him he’s everywhere he’s everything in my home

Hi Julie I’m so sorry for your loss just take each day at a time you must be devastated I hope you get the help you need to make you understand take care x


I had a friend who’s wife committed suicide just over a year ago, it devastated him but he has been to see me since my wife passed away in August and he was a real comfort telling me how he had coped and that things will get bearable to love life again. He said to me that he knows how I feel and I’m sure you do to that you just don’t believe people at the moment when they say this to you.
He said that for sure he never will ever forget his wife and I won’t June and you won’t your husband.
I threw some of June’s things away in the first week or so like the daily things that were too much of a reminder for me like toothbrush, shower stuff, hairbrushes, food in cupboards and freezer etc but that’s all I have.
I’ve found some comfort from this site with so many lovely people who know exactly what it means to lose a loved one.
Always here for a chat if you wish
Keep strong

It was a bad day yesterday trying to arrange the funeral but nothing was booked as I needed to talk to his family but I knew there was certain things he wouldn’t of wanted like flowers (the only person he got flowers for was me and his mum as he use to say how can the dead appreciate them) and he wasn’t religious man so no prayers or any of that godly stuff but it seems my knowing of him have upset his children and because we wasn’t married all she’s taken all funeral arrangements away from me so all I can do now it sit at home tidy his stuff up and sleep in our bed. I lived with him I know how he felt I know what he liked now I feel like our life together wasnt taken taken seriously by people who use to pop over erery few months and forget about him the rest Of the time. I know they are sad and angry but it’s not my fault he decided to take his own life I think I know the reasons why ( but will never understand them) I know how upset he was I know the people that made him feel the way he did but I also feel like they are punishing me and pushing me out of it, my children did get on with his but now they are all angry
I’m trying to not to think about it but what else have I got to do I can’t cook his tea or wash his clothes or shout at him for feeding the cat on the side(which he did just to annoy me ) I hate going into the garden as that’s where my daughter found him so all I can think about is why is his family doing this to me it was the only thing I had left.