I dont want it to be " just me left now.."

I am really going through depression…I have gone from somebody who had everything to " it is just me left now…"
A happy and lively house, a good man in my life " Richard " three gorgeous fur-babies, my three dogs to nothing, one by one they were all taken from me…I know in life we go through " the ups and downs…" nothing good ever stays good forever, the same as for the bad’s…I knew at some point my bubble would burst, we so take life and situations for granted…
I know I will soon be taking my last chapter in life…We have a start-a middle and an ending…Oh how I wish I could go back to my middle, start it all over again, only this time make a few changes, make every day worth living not wasting one day as some days had been wasted…we cant get back those wasted days once they are gone, nor bring back our beloved partners of ex amount of years…And the worse thing about this is that it wont be our partners who deals with our own funeral-cremation service…I was meant to go before Richard not he was to go before me…

Jackie…

Jackie…

Hi Jackie,

I’m so sorry to hear that you are so depressed at the moment. It sounds as though you are in a very isolated situation, on top of dealing with grief.

I’m really glad that you can talk to others here on the Online Community. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about your depression.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

I’m not sure if you’ve been in touch with the MS Society before, but they may be able to help you find more support with your illness and day to day living: https://www.mssociety.org.uk/care-and-support

You deserve care and support, Jackie, so I hope that you consider reaching out to some of these services

Take care,
Priscilla

Priscilla…
…thank you for reply but I dont think I am going through any less than an of our other regular members…
I am already a member of my local MS Society, I am now awaiting on how they are going to continue on getting me in, their meetings are held once a month only in the evenings…If they can get me in, I shall continue with them for the entertainment factor alone…
The problem is that we were-I am living on a very out of the way parkhome site, no car, and my disability of which I was diagnosed 11th April 4 years ago…Richard passed away at home 11th April…10 weeks ago…It is that feeling on being trapped and no one comes near, it is not a friendly site…I am also scared of my future if I decide on heading back towards home, for the first time in years I shall be making this journey of removals by myself, I shan’t be sitting next to Richard in his car heading back together making our new life…

I wont see my GP as all they want to do is put me on antidepressants…they wont bring back my Richard, they wont take away my MS, they wont bring back my-our three dogs…
I am so thankful Sue Ryder bereavement forum exists, it has been, it is a valuable help to me, and to many others in our similar yet unfortunate sad situation we now face…I have recently exchanged 3 or 4 phone numbers and have already been in telephone communication with these members…
I know things will take it time, I am confident all will come together, just need to get through this solicitor business before I can make any further decisions as to my future…To say I feel totally alone and frightened is true but I have gotten this far, and I will come out of the end of that tunnel…

Jackie…

Your living situation certainly sounds very lonely, and moving is certainly a big operation to face on your own. I’m glad that the forum has brought you some company and a place to talk through your decisions about your future.

Just been dozing whilst the tv is on, took myself to the far end of my parkhome to do one of my usual " bladder emptying’s…" on coming back I found myself silently calling out to Richard…" where are you Richard, where are you…" of course I know he is not there but, passing his now empty loo and bedroom is so so hard…just the emptiness expecting to still find him in the home somewhere…

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