It’s nearly six months since I lost my lady, I thought maybe things would get better in time, but no just worse, I miss her so much it hurts, I’ve been drinking heavily I’ve let her down myself down and our children down, I cry everyday for her, I love her so much.
I don’t see a future, it’s just a lonely existence I can’t see the point in anything anymore so called friends and close family are no longer in touch as they were in the the beginning, that’s often the case I believe, I never thought I’d walk in these shoes, I want to take them off and rest, I would never do anything but I really don’t want to be here anymore, sorry for being so selfish I needed to write it down.
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Martyn1 you are not being selfish. 6 months is such a short time. I am coming up to 27 months. I had those thoughts in the early months , and then they faded. But recently they have been coming Bach again. The loneliness never seems to leave us , no matter who we are with. As you said we get tired of it , and just want it all to stop. And at the moment I can only think of one way to stop it. I know I won’t do anything stupid 1 I haven’t got the courage and 2 I know my darling wife wouldn’t want me to do anything stupid. So have to carry on and hope it gets easier. Take care.
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I never thought that I’d be in this position so young - my husband was only 50. I am just over 6 months on and my children have gone back to Uni so I am just trying to keep going whilst supporting them from afar. I always loved being part of a couple and have been since the age of 16 so getting used to being alone is so hard and something I didn’t want - especially as the kids grew up and left. We had so much we wanted to do. I understand how hard it is to keep going - if anything else took this much effort and energy we would give up. But, for the sake of my kids I have to keep plodding on. Take care - I hope you keep finding bits of strength to keep going.
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Hi Martyn1
You are not being selfish, you are just being human. I lost Ian nearly 4 months ago and I cry every day. I still can’t quite believe what has happened and am considering grief counselling.
We were together for nearly 40 years and I dread the future without him. We had been promised a year with chemo but after 7 weeks, Ian passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.
Everyone copes with grief in their own way. I spend hours sat in the car in our favourite haunt by a local river as I can’t bare to be in the house without him. I also text him everyday telling him what I’ve been doing and how I’m feeling.
Grief is exhausting and I’ve often wished I could just disappear……
Take care of yourself and remember you are not alone,
Julie x
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This the way I feel as well,exactly,your words could have been written by me.The hurt,the drinking,wishing you could end it all ,no point in carrying on without the light of your life,the person you live for day in day out and now they are gone.Shattered,destroyed,life in ruins.
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Hi Martyn
I know exactly how you feel. It’s been 2 months since I’ve lost my husband. I miss him so much. I cry all the time. I can’t see a future. At least not a happy one. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up again. He was my soulmate.
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Thanks for the messages everyone, it’s terrible to feel this way but I do, its been 6months as of yesterday, things going from bad to worse hate this existence, good luck and best wishes to everyone going through this hell,
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I am sorry to read that so many of you on this thread are struggling so much. Please know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Some of you may have already seen these support options, but I wanted to post them here in the thread as well in case they might be of use to others.
Please do reach out if you need to:
- Samaritans (https://www.samaritans.org/) are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.|
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
- If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Do keep using this forum as a place to share how you’re feeling, and to give and receive support from each other.
Take care
Lizzie
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hi martyn i understand your feelings my wife my partner my world collapsed and died after 2 weeks in the hospital in early september .i was a daze through the entire time and the entire funeral with people commenting how strong i was how inspiring it was . in truth i was in shock and dint know what was happening .its now hit me as everyone elses normal has resurfaced in there lives and i am stuck behind in my own little bubble . i cant see anything but pain i cant feel anything at all except inredible sadness i know people see it in me but are to awkward to broach it ,it feels like its eaiser if shes forgotten about but i ant and i dont want to .she was my life i smiled everyday i had her i told and showed her everyday i loved her with all my heart .she was 51 .im so angry im so frustrated i want to die to be with her i want to be away from the world and all of the mundane things that im expected to do im told it gets easier but in truth i dont want it to be easier i want to feel like this i would hate myself for waking up and thinking oh yh i remember her she was ok wasnt she . she was the centre of my world and it has been taken from me i hate the idea i may live for a long time i truly do .i hope it at least shows u there are others in the world like you my friend and that we an feel however we want to . i hope you find peace but its something that will elude me forever i fear x
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Oh this is me exactly,3 weeks ago my darling passed away in a hospice from that evil cancer,she was my world,my life ,my very being,how can you move on when you feel like this.Dead inside,empty,sick all the time,not sleeping ,unable to eat.We are the living dead people .Michael.
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Traceyshubby,I understand everything you are saying
my husband passed away 3 weeks ago it’s so hard to carry on I miss him so much never been on my own before every minute without him is heartbreaking not being able to plan things with him.There is nothing anyone can say to help but you can put your thoughts on this site when you feel the need.
Look after yourself x
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Hi Traceyhubby, so sorry for your loss, you described this existence perfectly, my lady was 47, I’m in a world of hurt and so miss her, just marking time now, pretty much zero interest in anything. Thanks for reply we can feel however we want! Keep your lady alive in your heart mate, peace will come one day, take care.
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Hi Traceyshubby
Your post explains exactly how I feel. My husband died on the 11th of August. He was 52. He was my world , my soulmate. Like you said in your post about you wife, my husband told me everyday how much he loved me. We did everything together. Just being with him made me smile. Everyone has gone back to their lives now. I just cry everyday. I can’t live without him. People don’t understand. They say it’ll get easier and they are there if you need a chat and then go home and cuddle their spouse. My husband and I should be in Cornwall right now for a romantic getaway as a belated anniversary treat. Our anniversary was in September. We would have been married 10 years. He died before our anniversary. I’m currently trying to write a formal complaint to PALS. My husband should not be dead. There were so many mistakes and lack of communication and information. I’m pissed off that he’s been taken away from me and it didn’t have to happen, if people just did their job. I can’t live without him and I have no intention of. Just wanted you to know that I get it. Life is so cruel. Hope your wife’s family is being more supportive to you than my husband’s family are.
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Martyn1, we all feel for you and we don’t judge. The way we feel is a totally ‘one off’. I mean there is nothing like this sadness. Some days, I spend all day on the endless paperwork and filing trying to complete his unfinished diy jobs. I do have to get help and pay. I cry a lot but try to celebrate any small success that I have accomplished. I see him looking over my shoulder ‘coaching, advising, encouraging’. Normally I’m very independent but now I need that extra push. I’m trying to drink his leftover cider, instead of wine. Don’t think too far ahead, make flexible plans. It not easy, we all understand and we are here for you and each other. Keep going.
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Hi Martyn it’s my first message on here and after reading the posts it’s clear we are all in a bad place ,my wife was 56 and taken away from me when we had so much to look forward to, I dont think I can cope any more it’s been 5 weeks but know that’s not what she would want.
Already I feel a tiny piece of comfort from the fact I am not alone in how I feel.
G
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I lost my husband suddenly- he was 50. I certainly felt like my life had ended when his did - and in many ways it did. My life can never be the same as he filled it with so much. I do know, however, that he would want me to be here to look after my kids so that is what I must do. It is early times for you at the moment. Just take it a breath at a time for now, then a day at a time. Keep posting, people understand and will support you. Take care
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Thank you, like you my step daughter has gone back to uni and we speak everyday and cry…
My son has been staying with me since my wife passed and I am not sure what I would do if he was not around , I am going back to work on 1st November but have to get passed my wedding anniversary on 26th Oct not sure how to approach the day?.
G
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I spent my wedding anniversary with my husband at the chapel of rest. I went for a walk with my kids on his birthday as we loved walking together. Dreading Christmas as it’s more that one day. We just have to keep plodding on.
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I’m new to this but reading your heartbreaking messages as though I’d written them myself so ring true, I can’t end it myself as i couldnt put my mum and son through that but I pray for at accident or to be lucky eno, right time right place, and found putting my will, wishes in order, prepping give me a purpose and piece of mind, it’s so refreshing to not have anyone say you’ll move on blah blah I hope they never have to experience this
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