I feel detached and numb

My gorgeous dad passed suddenly 19days ago and when I arrived minutes after receiving the phone call I started cpr on him. Sadly there was nothing that could be done and he passed away…aged 63…im absolutely devastated and so numb. Im totally in denial and feel like I’m running on autopilot as I’m the one holding things together and dealing with all the paper work. I’m not sleeping even woth medication and the recurring thoughts and images are leaving me mentally drained. I dont know how to train my mind to try and delete the trauma of that day! I have a previous history of pnd and don’t want to have to start anti depressants again as I hated who they made me! Can anyone give me any tips on dealing with the images etc…counsellors have said it is too early to start sessions as this can leave to further trauma at an early stage. I’m lost without him, he was my rock, my partner in crime, the font of all knowledge and the one who taught me all I have to know about tools, cars, bikes and the one that sculpted me into the strong independent woman that I am today! My heart is totally shattered :sob:

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Hello, I am sorry to read your post and I know saying sorry for your loss is a total waste. The images and not sleeping well go very slowly. Try closing down your brain and think of nice things in the past but I know they will keep coming back. You sound very brave and dealing with all the stuff at this is not easy but don’t shoulder it all. Things will get better but look after yourself and most of all be kind to yourself. S xxx