Hi all , I’m sorry I havnt really post for abit it was my mum 2 years of her death on 3 January 2020 and on the 31 of off this month was the day I tryed to say bye but . I cant say it I’m still really hurting like it was yesterday. I also lost my grandad , uncle 6 weeks after my mum . But ever day I’m feel like I’m empty , I’m sorry i cant put it any other way I’m feel so coufused. 
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Thinking of you here if you need to chat x
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Thanks you sarrah, I just don’t know why I still feel like this I have never felt like this before 
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You poor, poor, lad,
I have just read your first post, Gary and I felt so sad for you. Shock such as you experienced takes some working through. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, I am 80 years old, in August 2019 I found my husband on our bedroom floor, he had died. I feel that I am still in shock and here I am 5 1/2 months on. Of all the days of the year to be bereaved of your mum, Christmas Day must be the worst one of all.
Take good care of yourself,
Love
MaryL x
Hi, because you have had so much to cope with and it affects us all differently. But you are talking about it so that’s good. x
I lost my Mum nearly a year ago, my dad in 2006 and my brother when I was a teenager x
I’m really feeling it today as it is 2 years day I tryed to say bye.to my mum . But I still find it very hard all I still do is cry . It is right what they say your mum is your best friend. I give anything just to have a mum cuddle why is getting so hard
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Trigger,
Last may, a couple of weeks before my mum died, I was in the garden and I stood up sharply and bashed my head on the garden shed. I nearly knocked myself out and my mum rubbed my head for ages and put a cold compress on it. I remember my head leaning against her body while she was doing it. I’m 48 and she was 74.
A matter of days later she had died suddenly of a sudden brain haemorrhage. I struggle terribly still and I often think, if only she could be there again.
I’m 7 months down the line but I’m sure I will still feel like this at the 2 year mark.
I’m sorry you are still feeling like this.
Cheryl x
I would say that life is so hard, Trigger, because we have experienced losing someone whom we loved, very dearly. x
I cant go in to see Dad in the care home for a while. It is getting too hard for me, due to the dementia every time I go in he keeps asking where Mum & Colin are & why are they not coming to see him 
and once again I have to tell him they both passed within weeks of each other then brace myself for the onslaught of questions once again. One of the carers said not to put myself through it and to do what I need to do for me & that Dad is being looked after & is fine. My Sister and his friends are in to see him weekly so its not as if he wont have any visitors. Life is difficult enough at the moment without this adding to it 
why is nothing ever easy.
I understand, V, it must be like rubbing salt into a wound.x
I can totally relate with you @MrsColt. I lost my uncle 6 months before my Dad in November and my Grandma has been in the hospital for 9 months.
She’s now been diagnosed with vascular dementia.
At first when Dad left, I felt like I had to go visit her more often to fill Dad’s role, and I know it’s what he would want. But like you, I’ve had to deal with similar questions relating to my Dad’s death which are like salt in the wounds. Having to go over details doesn’t help me, or her and for the time being I’m stepping back and doing what’s right for me. It’s hard when you feel guilty for not going out your way, but the truth is, our needs currently outweighs most. I know it seems selfish because we are giving persons, but I simply don’t have the capacity to be carrying anyone else’s burdens just now. You have to put yourself first for a little while, at least until we heal a bit. Whenever that’ll be…
X
Thanks for that Watt92 you have made me feel better that I am doing the right thing for me. The fact you are in the same boat & having to do the same thing with regards taking a step back for your own sanity lessens my guilt. The sad bit is Dad is 91 does not want to be here anymore when we told him Mum had died he said ‘She’s lucky’ next day he couldn’t even remember Mum had passed and was asking where she was.
Keep your chin up 
We will get through it somehow
XX
@MrsColt you’re right there on the word ‘guilt’. It’s what I’ve been feeling most days tbh. Guilt for having good seconds in a bad day, guilt for not being able to push myself like I used to, guilt for needing so much time… but the truth is, I need this time because I’ve lost such a huge part of my life. I’ve read so much that the love that was there, although it never leaves, it tells the story of how much you loved, cared, respected and cherished your loved one and I don’t think we should feel guilty for that. I say this now on a ‘good afternoon’ where I’ve not succumbed to tears (yet).
It is very sad and again I can relate to your stories. My Grandma is also the same and tells us every visit that she doesn’t want to be here anymore, and would rather be with my Granda and now her son. It’s so difficult to hear but tbh I can completely understand it. If anything, I’d take the fact that your dad is 91 (mine was only 64, I’m 27) and I’d feel so lucky to have had them around that long. Living that long comes with its fair share of loss for him, and health problems. I just tell me Grandma that although she feels that way, I for one am glad she’s still ‘kicking’.
We definitely will get there! Day by day, minute by minute, second by second and step by step.
X
How have you been x