i feel lost

hi im liz i lost my nan on the 4 th july 2016 and im also 33weeks pregnant with a little girl im so confused i dont know how i feel one minute im in tears as i wasnt aloud to go to the funeral as certain members of my family dont like me due to my father but then i am happy to be pregnant i dont know how i am ment to feel

Hi Liz

I’m so sorry to hear about your nan. And such a shame that your family wouldn’t allow you to go the funeral.

One thing i have learnt though, is that everything you feel is perfectly normal. I lost my dad at the beginning of the year and at 46 years old I reverted back to being a little girl at times.

Unfortunately these occasions can bring out the worst in people. I never had a good relationship with my sister and my father’s death basically finished it off completely. I can’t begin to tell you how horrendous she was. It’s strange because a part of me is sorry that we will never have a normal sibling relationship but this experience has taught me just who is important in my life.

You have a beautiful baby appearing into the world soon. It would be worth speaking to your midwife, if you haven’t already.

hi lofthem i am sorry to hear about your dad i know the feeling with your sister only too well i havent spoke to mine since 1996 but to me with my sister its a shame that she doesnt want to know and she didnt evengo to the funeral not even my long lost brother did its just hard as i want to be happy with our little girl coming into the world but im also always breaking down crying but i have spoke to my midwife about my nan and im on antidepressants but that is only helping so muvh

I think occasions like child birth etc make us think about things more, about how the ones we lost will not be there, and how our children will go through milestones without them being there.

My mum died when i was 14 and i did ok in the grand scheme of things. It was things like my wedding, giving birth to both children that really shook me. And all these things happened a good 15 years later.

Pregnancy itself has it’s own emotional rollercoaster and you have reached out for help, which is the hardest thing to do.

I think we have this concept that after a period of time, we’re supposed to be back to normal. I find it important to let those close to me, know when I’m not having a good day. And also, for those who haven’t experienced a loss so great that this is something you don’t simply just get over. To those outside my circle of closeness, well, they can think what they like :wink:

ty for understanding sorry about your mum my close friends that lives in the flat under me i know what they are going through at this time of the year and i dont want to put more on them as mich lost her mum and dad within five months of each other and her mum died on the 16th july 2009 and marcus dad was the 7th july 2015 i always stay strong for them but never for myself lol i just bottle things up but this year i just cant

Then don’t. I know my dad’s partner is really struggling with it but she talks to me and vice versa. Oddly enough we’re both generally pretty closed people with our emotions but we have literally spent hours talking things through. And i feel really privileged that she shares with me, plus it makes us feel like everything we’re feeling is normal.

I’m sure your friends would only happily want you to share with them. Even if it’s just to say you’re feeling like crap. If anyone understands, it’ll be them. The likelihood is, they will only be too pleased that you can express your feelings to them.

I spent quite a bit of time hiding my feelings, due to not wanting anyone to feel awkward. It just gets the better of you in the end so I’m now totally honest with people as well as myself.

its good that you have got someone close to talk to ill try and talk to them today about how i feel about my nan thank you for helping me to understand how i need to open up and face this as i cant keep on bottling it up as it wont help our baby jenny

No need for thanks :slight_smile: We’re all in the same rubbish boat, on here so if you don’t feel you can share with people in the flesh, you can always offload on here.

Please do let us know when you’ve had the baby. It’ll be lovely to read about that :slight_smile:

as soon as she is born ill let you know but take care if you need anyone to talk to ill be hear

Likewise Liz x

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