I recently lost my son who was my only child and I feel really down and I no longer have anyone to leave my family legacy to.
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I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. My son died 25 weeks ago, aged 33. How old was your son? There are a lot of us here in this group. Do read through the posts. You will find lots of bereaved parents going through the same range of emotions as you and that may help in the tiniest way to give you some comfort.
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My son was 28 and he would have been 29 on the next day. I wasn’t informed of his death for 5 days and I even sent him a birthday text message.
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Oh my goodness, how awful for you. This is very similar to what happened to our son. He had been poorly for several months with what appeared to be long covid. I texted him on the Thursday and had a short conversation with him. I didn’t receive a reply to any further texts I sent him on the Friday and over the weekend. On the Monday I was feeling worried, so drove to his flat. One of the front door locks had been smashed in and when I went into the flat, the curtains were closed and all the lights were on. I called the police, thinking there might have been a burglary or even an abduction. The police told me our son had called 999 on the previous Thursday night. Emergency services had broken their way in, but couldn’t revive him. He died in the early hours of Friday morning (heart infection). The police couldn’t locate any next of kin details in the flat, so weren’t able to contact us. They said they were thinking of phoning my son’s employer to get details on thr Monday. I was upset they hadn’t made more efforts to contact us, but then realised that my son kept most of his details on his mobile and computer, and they were password locked. It is really upsetting to think that we were doing normal things over the weekend, completely oblivious to the fact that our lovely son was lying in a morgue. Knowing earlier wouldn’t have made any difference to the outcome of course, but it still adds to the stress. I am so sorry you are going through the same emotions.
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So awful you didnt know about your sons passing thats a trauma in itself so sorry for your loss .your in total shock just come on theres always someone to chat to .i lost my boy four years ago . I wont lie and say its ok you just learn to cope a little better and there terrible dupair when you wake and hope its not real subsides sams funeral was four years today he was 25 he gad sarcoma a rare cancer four monthscand he was gone this site has saved me a good stream us lost son at 27 lots of people on that one .remember your children are with you always they live in your geart pocket
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So sorry to hear about your poor son, Zoe9. I know what you mean about the morning panic attacks as I get them.
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I awake at about 3am everyday and then feel shattered all day - does this routine ever change?
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Ian991, I’m sure sleep problems are normal for most of us in the early days. People say you should remember to be kind to yourself and this is so true. Give yourself time and space to grieve, make sure you eat and drink something, go to bed during the day if you are tired and don’t expect to do much else. See and phone other people if it helps, although you might prefer to be on your own. I just hid myself under a fleece and cried for weeks. Sedatives from the doctor might get you back into a decent sleep routine. Personally I found they weren’t for me, but some people find them useful. If you think counselling would assist you, there might be a S.A.I.F. scheme through the funeral parlour you used, where you can have 6 free phone sessions. You might find this forum helps more than anything, as we have all been where you are and can offer friendly advice, plus masses of sympathy and virtual hugs. Do keep posting.
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Yes my friends it will change . Its trauma shock of whats happened nothing feels real baby steps .dont beat uourselve up you feel how you feel i shut myself away at first then felt guilty for even pottering in the garden. Wecare not ment tobout kive our children such early days for you .my time is night time someones akways away on here .lost son at 27 is a good stream to go on always someone to talk to . Be kind to yourselfs xxx
Ivtook sleeping tablets for a bit they really helped i was on antidepressants anyway .just upped them …sam was born with his main heart valves round the wrong way 1 in 3 babys die i got told but i decided to keep him he was born in guy s london he fought all the odds to be here .and they took him anyway …i get cross with the world he was the kindest gentle soul four months he was gone .i cared for him he passed at home . He had sarcoma It seems all we hear is sadness its shocking i hope our babies are at peace and happy sending love and hugs 
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Zoe9, my son also had a faulty heart valve, which made him more prone to heart infection. He was told to be careful with dental hygiene, and he was. Did your son have to have regular check ups for his heart? We were never told to have them and I have only recently discovered that in America it is recommended. I don’t think we take heart valve problems seriously enough in this country.
Thanks for the help and advice. I have tried to get counselling because I have so many unanswered questions but they say it’s too early for it be effective
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Yes ian i tried councilling its not for everyone give your self time . They all talk from the same page black hole … i rather chat on here i would be lost without this platform . …
Hi yes sam operation was very rare in 1996 the oldest boy was 15 he was checked every year then every two .but he dued sarcoma he had a pain in jis back we thought it was sciatica so sad the cancer was everywhere bones chest hips xx
Whydidhedie can we call you something else love zoe xxx
In the beginning the questions the what ifs torture did i say this did i tell him that …its awful it consumes you so many thoughts and sick sad feelings xx
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I tried online counselling, where you just type in your thoughts and get a typed reply, and it felt like they were just giving standard answers from a reference book on grief. So not very helpful.
Ian991, some counselling places won’t take people on for several months. Personally I feel it’s in those early months that you actually need the counselling. Also many counselling groups have long waiting lists. That’s why this forum is so useful.
It’s shocking how little support there is -precisely when you need it most. I must admit I have been shocked at how many alleged providers there are that do not provide support and merely act as a gateway to other organisations.
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Yes, I agree. I hope you can find some support from friends and family, although they may not fully understand what you are going through.