My husband passed away 8 weeks ago and most of the time I feel very numb and detached from everything. To everyone else they think I’m coping and I’m ok as I’m just getting on with everything.
I have a 21 year old daughter who is very angry, she’s struggling with how she feels and most of it is directed at me, I understand that. I have involved her in everything as well as my in laws and I feel I am the facilitator making sure everyone else is ok.
We’ve just had a family (my in laws) wedding which was the first occasion I’ve had to go alone. My daughter was a bridesmaid so was busy with all she had to do.
This afternoon I have collected my husbands ashes, on my own which was harder than I thought it would be. My daughter didn’t want to come which I understand.
I feel the last few days have been emotionally exhausting and I now feel upset and very alone. The person I would’ve talked to has gone and as lovely as friends are there’s no one else that can provide that comfort. Life feels very pointless, I feel I’m just waiting for time to pass, it’s very hard.
Hi Lucy, I and most people on here understand what you are going through. I often vent and put my feelings on this group when I wouldn’t let my family know how I’m struggling. I have grown up married sons but I still feel like I should be there for them not the other way around.
You did well to go to the wedding. I too feel numb and detached but still have the funeral to get through this week. I think there will be many days where we will just have to go through the motions of breathing etc and hope that in time we will feel better. I take comfort that it wasn’t the other way around and my partner had to go through this pain. At least we did that for them. Ignore if this doesn’t help you. X
@Lucy55
I’m 12 weeks in. I allow myself time to cry, scream and shout to get through and on the whole I’m getting there.
12 weeks in the pain is less raw but the missing him has intensified recently. I can’t get used to him not being around.
Honestly though, I function better and I’m at work for a few hours a day. I can have a coffee with friends and laugh with the girls at work.
The pain is always there under the surface though and I do get what your saying about life being pointless. I was like that and still have moments like that. But I’m here for a reason, don’t know what it is yet. I will have to wait and see where this new path takes me.
I have people to live for and owe it to them to live but I do get it, it’s not easy!
Ali
@Ali29 & @Tiffany thank you for your kind replies. I take what you’re saying about not wishing how you feel on your partner but I know my husband would’ve dealt with it so much better. It’s so unfair that he was ill as he had so much to live for. I’ve had so much loss, my dad passed away a year ago& my mum when I was 14. I don’t have siblings or any family around me except my daughter. She’s dealing with her own grief and doesn’t want to talk to me and at the moment I can’t do anything right. I’m really feeling on my own with everything.
We will all help you through this, you are not alone. I’m not one for social media but this support group has been a saviour for me. Somewhere to write our feelings without being judged rather than keeping them bottled up. When you read other people’s experiences you can see we are all in this together and that makes us strong. No doubt in 2 days time it will be me asking for support and I’m sure I will receive it from some of the understanding people in this group, and so will you. Be kind to yourself and just get through each day for now. X
@Lucy55 I’m so sorry for your loss. You sound as if you are trying to be the strong one to help others around you. Sometimes this means there is no one to help you and you will be the one suffering the most. You say your daughter is angry and that is common in grief but she should not be directing that anger at you. Perhaps because you are trying to be strong for her she thinks you are not grieving as much as you are for her dad. She needs to know how you really feel so you can share this awful burden together. It is hard to do but I think if she knew how deeply sad and lost you are her anger would subside. If you cannot talk maybe a letter or card might help. I know once I opened up to my children it became much easier for me and for them as we no longer felt the need to protect each other but instead work together. I hope you can work this out as you will both need all the support you can get to negotiate this new path. Love and hugs xx
@Lucy55 my situation seems very similar, although I am a few weeks further into it. My partner died 12 weeks ago
I have a daughter of 21 and son 23 both living at home with me yet I still feel so lonely as the person who I would tell everything to has gone.
Trying to adjust to a life alone is so hard. We are all on a rollercoaster of emotions. I do find some days now are slightly better but have yet to have a day where I don’t cry.
You did really well to go to a wedding so early on. You should be proud of yourself. I have a family wedding coming up in July which I’m already dreading.
Just keep taking each day as it comes and remember you are not alone on here xx
Hi I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard dealing with all of this. I don’t feel I had an option not to go. It was my husbands family who don’t outwardly seem effected by his passing. There was no mention of my husband and no one seemed to look out for me. I spent the morning at the hotel on my own which they all knew but no one checked in on me. To everyone around me I look to have dealt with it and moved on. In actual fact I think I’m still struggling to comprehend that he’s actually gone.
I wrote in the wedding book to my niece saying how proud her uncle would have been and no doubt he’d be smiling down on her but when I looked at the book the following day someone had ripped it out. I was really hurt and upset about that. I don’t know who it was as I didn’t want to cause any upset for my niece.
The isolation is the hardest part by far but thank goodness I’ve found this group.
@Lucy55 I’m not surprised you are feeling so alone if that’s how you husband’s family behave.
No one should expect you to have dealt with him dying and to have moved on and as for removing your message in the book 
that is just disrespectful.
Glad you have found this group. I have found it really helpful and supportive x
I feel everything you do . I’m only 5 weeks in tomorrow. Just been out for a drive I’m my daughters car & my heart is beating out of my chest . How can something that used to feel so normal feel so horrendous?!
I’ve not seen my mum since I lost Bry and I’m feeling guilty about it as she’s in a care home.
Tomorrow I am going to attempt it as I’m hoping ( although I know I’ll break) it will one less worry going through my head.
The wedding must have been a tough one but we’ll done for doing it , you are so brave xxx
Wow!!! Who would do such a thing . It’s hurts we have lost them but as hard as it is to talk about them we MUST keep their memories alive.
In saying that , since my husband passed 5 weeks ago as I said above I think 
, not one of his brothers or sisters have messaged to even ask how I am or the kids & her was the youngest of 4.
I don’t get that , but we are all different I suppose , maybe I would be too much as I’d always check in to see if they are ok 
xxx
@PollyjaneW im so sorry that the family haven’t been there for you. While my husband was ill I got very little support which I couldn’t understand as I thought they would want to spend every minute with their brother. In the final week and afterwards they’ve been there for me.
I hope you’ve got friends supporting you and your children. You can’t do it all by yourself xx
I have an amazing set of friends , thank you .
One thing for sure this loss has changed me. If family can’t be there for you in the difficult times then I don’t need them , I’m saying that I’m to caring not to help if they need me so I’ll more than likely still be there for them xx