My husband died on Friday 25th August aged 56yrs, we’d been together for 39yrs he was the most kind caring wonderful person you could wish to meet and I loved him so very much. The pain I am feeling is unbearable I miss him so much. I can not bear the the thought of a future without him. We have three wonderful sons who are heart broken. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do? I know it’s so early since he passed and his funeral is next Thursday but I feel so helpless. Please how do I get through this dreadful pain.
Dear Diane
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your beloved husband, he sounds like an amazing man and you were together such a long, wonderful time. The early days of any loss are so hard. Disbelief, shock, grief, anger and worry about those left with you and the funture. I lost my 24 year old son in an accident 4 months ago and looking back now, the first few weeks were just a blur. I do not know how I have coped for the past 4 months but somehow I have. Every day will be a battle just to function and at the beginning I did not know if I even wanted to try to carry on without my son, but I have a husband and other children so I had to carry on for them.
Be kind to yourself, if people offer to help, accept there offer even if it is just making you a cup of tea. Just getting out of bed is an achievement. I have a book and I write my son a letter everyday to tell him about his brother and sister and how I am feeling etc, it may sound silly, but it is my time on my own just to think about him and talk to him, I know he hears me/
Please take care, and write again if you feel you need to, everyone on this site understands.
Janet
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Dear DianeP,
How terrible and unbearably painful to lose a such a kind caring wonderful person. I’m not into giving advice ~ we are all so different ~ but I think all we can really do is feel the pain, go through it, find support, be kind to ourselves and we will survive, hard as it is to imagine that’s possible.
Your dreadful pain is an expression of your love for your husband. I’m struggling to find words, and crying myself writing now. I just want to express solidarity, really. My Mum died in February. She was my best friend in a lot of ways and I miss her terribly. My heart goes out to you.
Blessed be.
from Neil
Hi Diane I know exactly how you feel having lost my husband of 32 years in November. Nearing the anniversary it still feels like yesterday. Don’t expect anything of yourself until after the funeral then take it a day at a time and I’d necessary an hour at a time. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this as it’s not like being ill. I have started a memory book and write in it only on Mondays at 7pm when he died I find it helps focus on some of the good memories and I’m sure you must have plenty. Read a book on grief I’m doing that at the moment and it does help you realise your feelings are normal. Take care hun xxxx
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