I feel so lost and desperate

My mum took her own life on the 29th of July 2016 I had so much I still needed to say so much I needed answers to. I can’t deal with losing her all I want is to be able to talk this out. I plowed my self into work and then in June 2017 my nan was diagnosed with a brain tumour and given 3-6 months to live. I gave up work and cared for her at home for 4 months until she passed away. Those were the hardest months of my life listening to her cry and beg every day for someone to help her die waking up every day and listening to her sob and scream because she had woken up. Even getting to the point where I was willing that day to be the day or the next day actually looking for information on how I could help her how evil does that make me what kind of person wishes for the day that someone they love passes away. I’ve since losing both my mum and nan have lost my relationship and my job and I just can’t cope any more I just don’t know how to carry on any more it’s like losing everything in 2 years has pushed me over the edge and left me feeling so low and scared.

Hello Natalie
I am so very sorry that you are in such a bad place but losing both your mum and nan in such a short space of time is horrendous and you are just trying to cope with a double dose of grief. Don’t add guilt to your burden because you have nothing to be guilty about…when someone you love is in terrible pain and there is no hope of getting better it is only love that makes us wish they could slip away quietly. Death is hardest for those left behind…our loved ones are no longer in pain or struggling to exist…they have been released and somehow we must feel glad for them.
On another thread someone has likened grief to climbing a mountain…that’s a beautiful thought so keep climbing your twin peaks and one day you will reach the top. God bless you. X


Natalie,I am so sorry for your loss,and that you have had to go through such awful circumstances. If you ever need to talk,message me. Next friday will be a year since i last spoke to my Mum who passed away on the first of september. I find everyday difficult,and cannot work due to an illness of 6 years. My thoughts are with you,Lucy,xxx

Natalie, so sad to read about your mum and nan. I lost my mum in October last year and it is true, it makes you feel scared and vulnerable, like your mortality is slapping you in the face. My mother was disabled and so needed a lot of care and I did it easily but since she died I have had so many physical problems which I have read on this site is very common. So everything you are feeling now is normal, grief has no format, it affects everyone in a different way. I remember listening to a mother whose daughter had been murdered and she said she was reliving what had happened to her daughter over and over again and the counceller took her hands and said, she is at peace, she is not going through it now and she said the realisation of that helped her so much. take time and be kind to yourself

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