I had a realisation today

Its been 23 days since my pauline died I have barely spoken to anyone since apart from on here I’m nothing but empty and falling apart a friend on fb messaged me to check in with me and said they were at their mums for the weekend and missing their husband and curling up next to them I didn’t reply my first thought was how insensitive how do you think I feel nearly 21years together and she is gone I will never feel her next to me again I’m lost without her and my realisation is it wouldn’t matter if I died no one would care there would be no one to weep for me all I have are my pets whom I love which is why I’m still going on and because my darling pauline would want me to I love her so much its hurts so much to be left here without her if I didn’t have the animals I wouldn’t bother I would give up this is my life now just me and them heartbroken lonely sad and broken

sorry to hear about your loss but its very early days for you yet . its been 3 month for me and i miss my brian so much it feels like he died yesterday and we had been together 33 years in 2 weeks time . like you i tried to avoid friends some days when i feel really down it upsets me when they are talk about going on holidays with they husbands thats when the hurt kicks in u know thats not going to happen again for us . only thing thats keeping me going on with life is my son .

Thankyou Denise 0212 i am very sorry for your loss wow 33 years I do believe they are still with us and our for them is forever I’m glad you have your son take care

hi casey i believe to that our loved ones are still with us and one day we will be reunited with them well thats what im hoping and believe in . the evening s are the hardest im not a tv fan so i try and cope as best as i can keeping myself occupied .

Hi Denise0212 that is all we can do try and cope I’m sorry for your loss I know how hard it is I feel lonely all the time all we want is them but hopefully one day we will be reunited with them I have paulines funeral Friday its going to be a tough day having to say goodbye I don’t think I can ever truly say goodbye I can’t let go she is and always will be my heart and soul

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its very hard to let go to be honest i had funeral for brian ( partner) on march 1 st i cant remember much about it its a blur . i had brian cremated so i have is ashes with me at home before the funeral i brought him home for the weekend i felt like he was around me that on the first night i went to bed and i woke up and smelt him which sounds strange i drifted back to sleep later in the early hours and the same thing happened again the smell of him woke me . so i do believe they are around us looking over as all the time . as i am a very nervous person on the day of his funeral i believe he was helping me to cope on that day . its going to be hard for you but pauline will be looking over you and you will get through the day . if theres anything you need to talk about before the funeral i will try and help you get through it you only need to text me i find by helping its a distraction for me even though im finding hard at the moment i will try and ease your pain alittle

Denise 0212 thankyou that is very kind of you and it’s not strange I have smelt paulines scent a few times in the last week and the same goes for you if I can help in any way even if it’s just someone to talk to message me anytime hang in there take care

hi casey hope you are coping ok i read your first message you first put on here u are carrying on because you have animals i gather you dont have much family living near you then . pets are good company i have a yorkshire terrier he s 11 but he s so hyper he s like a puppy although i have my son living with me my dog is company as well they sense when you are sad they are part of the family . i live in south wales near a village plenty of country side and nice places to walk the dog it does help alittle to get out of the house abit its just when you come back home then it hits you again today the weather hasnt been that good so its been a long day im not a tele person so its not been the best today .

Hi Denise0212 I’m sorry it has not been a good day for you hopefully tomorrow will be better and yes I have my dog cara she is a staffy cross 12 years old and acts like a pup stubborn to but so loveable and 2 cats brothers chip and dale they are 3years old cara sleeps in the bed with me and chip has been sleeping in there with us every night since pauline passed they give me a reason to get up I love them all so much I don’t have kids so they are like my kids I know what you mean when you come home I used to come in and say babe I’m home now I come in and say babies I’m home I go most days without even talking to anyone I won’t give up and let her down though I know that when my time comes we will be reunited our souls belong together as do anyones who found their soulmate they animals do funny things and make me smile at times I’m lucky to have them stay strong and take care

thinking of you today xx

@Denise0212 thankyou paulines service went well and her family said I did her proud and did her justice I was a blubbering wreck I couldn’t stop the tears and in my 54 years of my life my sister hugged me for the first time ever and comforted me as I cried

or casey im glad you had support on this sad day its the hardest day of your life to say goodbye your sister is very similar to mine she not a person to show any feeling but laterly she s more understanding . its been a trying week for us both my friend passed away monday evening in bristol hospital and 33 years this weekend i met my brian so like you the tears are pouring like rain you take care keep in touch xx

Dear Casey1

I am sure that as Pauline’s family said you will have done her proud. I am sorry that you have had to go through this also.

Take care

@Denise0212 thankyou I am so sorry about your friend anniversaries must be so hard ours will be on the 17th of August

@Sheila26 thankyou I’m sorry that we are all going through this I like talking on here I’m not judged and told don’t let it consume you of course it does pauline was my everything

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hi casey just wondering how you are .

@Denise0212 hi to be honest I’m struggling its so hard without her nothing to look forward to anymore most of my friends on fb apart from one are avoiding me I think because they don’t know what to say the thing is it just makes me realise I can’t and won’t talk to them I am finding support on here though which helps a little how are you doing? and thankyou for checking in on me I appreciate it

hi casey sorry im late replying to your text im struggling the last few days although its been 3 months like you im feeling awful nothing to look forward to im avoiding my friends i dont have fb i cant really cant explain how i feel at the moment my family and friends keep saying he s not suffering anymore but they dont understand they not going through the sadness they got they husbands and partners to go home to what have we got nothing really unless it happens to them perphaps they will understand what it feels like to feel the grief i honestly thought we had more time together but it wasnt meant to be xx

@Denise0212 i am so sorry you are struggling but I do understand I don’t think people understand just how devastating it is unless they have been through it or going through it the emptiness and loneliness and longing we feel for our soulmates to have someone with you every day and then to not its a living hell its not even living we are just existing but at least we have support here amongst eachother and people that understand I know I’m not as far into this awful journey as you are but I’m often on here and always willing to chat if you want to sending you hugs x

thanks casey its hard to explain whats going through my head at the moment well hopefully tomorrow will be abit easier well i will text you soon hope you are ok i will say goodnight godbless take care xx

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