I hate the woman I became

Losing a partner
#1

I was always his rock and we helped us through hard times. Now I am a crying bundle of nervous breakdowns with no way out of that situation. I cannot think clearly anymore. I look in the mirror and do not recognize myself anymore. I try to be courageous and strong and then something happens (phone calls, letters etc) and I am back to square one. I am so lost without him. Will it get better?

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#2

Hello @Annaessex ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband It sounds as though things are very different and difficult at the moment and you are feeling lost without him.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,

Alex

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#3

Your life has changed, you didn’t just lose your partner, you lost the future that you both planned. It’s incredibly hard. Have you sort help? Councillor or GP?

I know it’s hard but the healing also has to come from within. A part of the healing is deciding yourself that you will fight the pain. I know its easier said than done when you feel so shit. There came a point for me when I didn’t want to feel like this, I didn’t want him to see me this way. It’s hard but I push myself to crack on.

The early weeks were horrendous, I wanted to die and be with him, I cried all the time but I realised it wasn’t going to change anything, just make me really miserable. So I made a choice to help myself and honour him as he would be so sad if I wasted my life.

I sort a bereavement councilor privately as couldn’t wait. I found this hugely beneficial.

I really hope you have brighter days soon but keep talking on here , it really is supportive.

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#4

Hi @Annaessex i hope you are feeling better today ? Can you get some counselling arranged for yourself? Im due to have some in a week or two. I totally understand where you are coming from … i feel like my new solitary life is just so pointless now :frowning: ive got my puppy but my life just feels so empty and meaningless now … nobody cares ! The only person who really ever cared for me has gone ! Its all so horrible ! He was my rock … i didnt just love him, i needed him :frowning: why did god take him from me ? I dont understand ? Xx

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#5

Well said Ali. I did exactly the same as you. I decided I didn’t want to feel like I did for ever and I didn’t like the person I had become (still don’t some days). I know I have changed drastically and like to stay in my comfort zone.
I agree wholeheartedly the first weeks and even months were awful and like you I knew that nothing was going to change unless I made it. What was the point in wanting him back, it just wasn’t going to happen. Looking back I realise I was walking about in a daze for the first year, then I hit rock bottom again and after that I started to move slowly forward. I miss him but don’t constantly dwell on my loss any longer. I have a life I am happy enough with so not so hard on myself now.
The only things I disagree with is going to a GP for help. You have about ten minutes of their time and how can you explain how you are feeling in that time. I also tried a counsellor but because I find it hard to cry in front of people I was told after three sessions I was perfectly capable of coping on my own. He didn’t see me breakdown later when on my own…
I believe the healing has to come from within and in time the heartbreak does begin to heal or at least change.
xx

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#6

You sound a really brave lady to me x

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#7

Hi Deb
No I’m not brave and a shadow of the person I once was. We never expect it to hit us so hard and totally change us and our lives. I kept going with my hobbies which was what we did together. It was so hard at first but I am pleased I made the effort and of course I mustn’t forget my lovely dogs that took me for walks and made me laugh again. I now lead a quiet life and quite like my own company and I am happy enough. I found it best to wait and see what life threw at me and gradually I have come back and seeing a light.
Pat
xx

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#8

Hi @Pattidot how far in your journey are you ? Im 5 month’s in but its still tough … i cry a lot even when i do normal things. Still finding things difficult … some days better than others x

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#9

Hi Deb
I am much further along than you and can well remember those first months as being a private hell. I had known for ten years that I might lose my husband but we had faced life and got on with it and he had a full and active life which is what he wanted. He was an inspiration and then all of a sudden it hit him and within a few months he was gone. I thought I was a strong person but we don’t expect such an impact. I am nearly four years now and can say that although I do think about him often I have adapted to my life as it is now. Five months I am afraid is no time to come to terms and there is no advice I can give. It is a lonely and personal battle. For me I kept myself busy with my interests. I found that as time moved on I slowly found a bit more of myself returning along with interests that I thought had gone forever.
Best wishes
Pat

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#10

Thanks pat … kind words xxx its so sad isnt it :frowning: xxx

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#11

I know how your feeling .kev and i done everything together .he supported me when i had breast cancer .we lived for each other .missing him terribly .have never felt so lonely .im a crying mess .im not sure i can carry on without him .i hope things get better for both of us x

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#12

You take care of yourself ! How far are you along this awful journey we are all on ? :frowning: xx

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