I hate this

Lost my mom almost a month and half ago. I am very attached to my mom. Her life revolved around mine and mine around her. Below points describes my situation. Can you relate?
1- in deep deep deep pain
2- resumed work (remote) but can’t focus on any tasks
3- prefer staying in bed all day
4-cry once at least a day and more when I see her pictures.
5- I skip lunch, forcefully eat dinner -ramen or frozen meals everyday
6- I feel guilty if I smile or laugh
7- I feel guilty if I look at the TV screen even for a second
8- decided that I will never worship God because me and my mom always did and he took my mom from me. She was only 58
9- decided that I will lead a miserable life. I will only live for my dad, boyfriend, sister and my dogs. Won’t do anything that brings me joy
10- I will happily welcome my death. Won’t resist
11- I watch near death videos, psychic videos, read medium reviews every day and planning to go to one soon
12- I believe in afterlife. My mom visits me in my dreams and has given me some messages
13- I don’t step out of my apartment. I went for walk 2 times and had a panic attack both times
14- I hate seeing others happy . I hate when people laugh. I know it’s bad and so not me but right now it seems like huge injustice has been done with us and the rest of the world is happy
15- I spend a lot of time on this site. People here are so nice. They have reached out to me and comforted me even when they themselves are going through so much pain
16- I am on anxiety, depression, sleep medication. I go to sleep due to the medication but I wake up every night between 2 am and 4 am.
17- evenings and nights are easier for me. mornings and afternoons are unbearable. Nothing can distract me and if I try to distract myself I feel guilty
18-i am in deep deep deep deep deep pain. I don’t want to suffer anymore. I want my mom back…

Dear @MummasDaughter

Thank you for sharing your post with the Community.

I am sure they are many on here that can identify with your post. I do recall you posting previously and I am glad you are still reaching out. Did you find bereavement support in Seattle?

Have you looked at the topic here Losing a Parent and connected with members who have experienced what you are going through? I know this easier said than done but you must take one day at a time.

Bereavement is horrible and hard for those left behind. Your mum would want you to be happy and smile without feeling guilty. Feeling guilty is normal and part of the grieving process.

It is good that you are finding this site helpful and supportive, please continue to reach out. If we can help you any way please let us know and take care of yourself.


Hi Pepsi,

Thanks for responding. Yes I have started grief counseling. Tomorrow will be my second time. It helps but only for a few hours. I see my mom in my dreams everyday. She gives me messages. That makes me look forward to going to bed. My mornings are very difficult because I used to talk to her in the mornings.
I also engage in 'Losing a Parent’s category and have made several friends there. We do help each other.
I am originally very sensitive person and I think negative and overthink. I have had anxiety for years now. So that’s why this is becoming so difficult for me.
Thanks for your words. They definitely help in the healing.

1 Like

Hi , i’m really sorry for your loss my mum died a few months ago from pancreatic cancer it was very sudden and i feel lost without her . Life is really unfair and cruel but it is important i think to remember to look after yourself .

My confidence seemed to just disappear over night i feel anxious and scared about the future and don’t like going out so i do understand how you feel .

Your Mom would not want you to feel guilty though or to live only for other people grief is brutal i know but i hope in time it becomes easier to deal with never give up hope there is support , Take care xx

Hi Caroline, sorry for your loss. It’s soo heartbreaking to lose the most important person of our life. I know I have to keep living and should not be guilty for anything. It just feels wrong and my brain is my biggest enemy. It makes me overthink my every action. I’m on anxiety and depression medication. It helps for a bit and then I’m back to the same thing.
Sending some strength your way. I don’t have it either but we have to help each other.

Hi, I can relate to all your points. Try to be kind to yourself, don’t judge yourself on how you feel. It’s absolutely awful losing your mum, and it’s hard to think how you can get back to your life. You can but it will always be different. Try to take small positives each day. There is great support from people on here. I too struggle with pictures of mum,I love looking at them but most times I then get upset. Your mum will always be your mum, wherever she is.
Take care