I have had enough.

Losing a partner
21

Queen Victoria said: The immediate grief is nothing. The real pain comes weeks or months later when you realise that this is how it’s going to be.

How true. Your body goes into shock to protect itself and in order to organise things and, in the beginning, you think: I’m not doing too badly, but as it goes on and on and on, instead of coping better, you cope worse. How can people do this without dying? But they do.

I think this is normal. I hope it is. I believe that it’s only time that enables us to become ourselves again. Patience, being easy on yourself, and time. xx

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22

Me too..completely understand your anguish.When does this nightmare reduce in intensity.Thinking of you with love and blessings xx

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23

Thankyou so much.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Sending lots of love :orange_heart:

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24

Hi Peaches,

My you really are busy! That’s great given your sad situation. It sounds like you’ve accomplished a lot since your husband died. Your house must look just beautiful. I haven’t gotten that much done but at least it’s cleaner than it was! Also you took care of your elderly aunt until she died. How nice of you! Plus your vacation and grooming the dogs! Wow!

I think it’s nice that you talk to your deceased husband. So do I. I talk to him and God. It helps with the loneliness. I think they can hear us. I know God can because I get my prayers answered. I also read the Bible every night before bed. This is the sixth time I’ve read it cover to cover. Besides being the word of God it also is a fascinating history of the world. All of a sudden you go from a world ruled by computers and cell phones and restaurants to one where everyone talks to each other in person and then rides their horse or camel to go out and kill dinner! Quite a difference but very interesting.

It sounds like you have your life in good order regardless of your tragic situation.

God Bless You!

Snowy Evening

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25

Snowy, Father Mike has a YT channel “Bible in a Year” where he read and explains the Bible from beginning to end. It is very interesting and I find that I can hardly wait for the next chapter to see what is going on with the characters.

Try it. You may enjoy it.

Peaches

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26

BTW, I keep myself busy until I am exhausted from it all, then I rest, feel guilty for resting and get the motivation to do more.

If I don’t keep busy with projects that are “must do’s” I will crawl into a hole and not come out.

Before my husband died, we went out for dinner at least once a week with friends, spent weekends at summer homes with them, my husband fished a few times a week during the season, we had dinner parties, we traveled, and we attended charity fund raisers. All of that disappeared when he died. All of it. My calendar is empty.

Couples do not invite singles to things it seems. I suppose they don’t want us to feel like the 5th wheel. None of his people ever call.

I did expect it, but it still is lonely.

Love,
Peaches

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Peaches,

Thank you for the suggestion about Father Mike’s You Tube channel! I will look that up. It sounds very interesting!

That is so sad that your friends have abandoned you. However, I know the feeling. My husband died in 2024 and now I never hear from any of his family or any of our friends who are still living. (I’m 80.) I have nice neighbors who are very helpful but they are also younger and very busy with families of their own and work. So, being alone, like you I clean and do projects that have to be done. I can’t afford to hire anyone. It’s probably a good thing that I can’t hire anyone since I’m alone and you never know what people are like these days.

Thanks again for the You Tube suggestion!

God Bless You!

Snowy Evening

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28

Dear Peaches it seems so sad that you find yourself alone like that. Don’t any of the churches have bereavement groups as they do in England?

Wishing you all the best Tom

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Hi SnowyEvening It seems quite terrible that like Peaches you find yourself alone are there not any groups around that are set up to help in your area? Wishing you all the best Tom

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Cannot stand anything to do with God. Sorry if I’m offending anyone, but I am so sick of people telling me that Ray had a good exit, but God knows best!

I have my own beliefs and am tired of other telling me he isn’t suffering anymore. Doesn’t help me at all. Apologies to religious people here, but want no part of it.

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Hi Tom,

There are some places like churches where I could meet new people. However, I’m 80 with a few physical problems that rather inhibit my going to those kinds of places. It’s even difficult to go grocery shopping at times but I manage. I’ve got God and Jesus and all the angels to turn to plus very kind neighbors. It’s just not the same without my beloved husband who died in 2024. However one just has to get through it and with God’s help I am.

Thanks for your kind comments!

Snowy Evening

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32

Snowy, try to get into a Mah Jong group. Seems to be a big trend here now. My SIL plays 6 days a week and picks up those who can no longer drive. They play, have lunch and play some more. She has met new people and it gets her out of the house.

Brandon, I am okay. I didn’t think my husband’s life-long friends would be around once he was gone. I have friends, but as we know, they have husband’s kids, grandkids and are busy with all of that. I have family close by, but again, they are busy with their own lives and I understand that too.

My life ended, theirs didn’t miss a beat.

It is life. I had the best years with my husband, I am so grateful to have had him as my husband and for all the wonderful times we shared. It’s enough. Some people never get that in life, but I did and if I had to choose again, I would choose the life I had even knowing it would end before I was ready.

Peg2, I am sorry that you are mad at God, it is understandable and also quite normal after the loss of a loved one. Yes, it seems so shallow for people to say “he isn’t in pain anymore” or “his suffering is over”. We didn’t want them to have pain or suffering and it is very hard to reconcile it with a loving God sometimes.

You didn’t offend me. When there is no one to blame, many people blame God.

I promise if you take 30 seconds of your day to just talk to God and ask Him to help you, He will. Try it. What have you got to lose? Nothing. And, it doesn’t hurt either.

Even if you don’t want Him around, I still said a prayer for you and your Ray.

With much love and compassion from across the big pond,
Peaches

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Dear Fiona you don’t offend me at all, I think you feel hurt by family using God’s name to do things and say things that have hurt you and couldn’t be further away from what God is. I hope you can come to forgive them because when people hurt us and hate takes hold they are winning and we are suffering. The moment we forgive them their power over us dissipates. You are full of love from a great relationship don’t let others have control over you. Keep on shining for for your Ray.

Wishing you all the best and sending hugs

:mending_heart: :mending_heart: :mending_heart:

Tom

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Hi SnowyEvening that is lovely, I’m glad you have some lovely neighbours too. Wishing you all the best Tom

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Hi Peaches I was blessed like you to have had a wonderful marriage and though I would have loved to have grown old with my loved one, I acknowledge how lucky I was to have had something many people never do.

Wishing you all the best Tom

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Peaches,

Thank you for the suggestion. Having some physical problems it’s not a good idea for me to join any group at this time. However, it is nice to find kind people like you and others on this forum. It helps a lot!

Snowy

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37

Thank you for that lovely message Tom

Some things you can’t forgive and what they’ve done to me is one of them. Gone too far now, so no chance.

Hope you have a lovely day with your doggies x

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38

I lost my husband in April 2024. As with everyone on here, I was devastated. He was my soulmate. We had been together since I was 20 and I’m now 61. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2025 and had no choice but to have a mastectomy. I was angry. Why me. Why now. Post surgery has been awful, 6 months of continuous wound infection. I would like reconstructive surgery because I hate how I look. That could be years away so I’m told. I have never been so lonely in my life. My family are all south of England and I’m east Anglia. I live with my adult daughter who has just started a new job doing 12 hour shifts. I have so much time on my own. I retired when my husband died and I couldn’t work currently if I wanted to as I am so fatigued. I have had such bad experiences with dating sites that I’ve now decided to abandon them altogether. Yesterday I found out I had been through victim of love bombing and romance fraud. Fortunately I realised before I handed over anything. I have informed Ourlove, the dating site, in addition to the police who have confirmed they have recorded my information. I have never enjoyed my own company. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t do anything though because of my daughter and we have two dogs too. Had I been on my own, it would be different. I miss my husband so much. Sometimes it feels like yesterday that he passed and then it feels like an eternity. I don’t feel any better today than the day he died. I am lost, unhappy, lacking enthusiasm for anything. Nobody tells you that losing a partner is not only life changing but it changes who you are. I used to be the life and soul, never short of knowing what to say or how to make people laugh. Now all I want is to hide, to disappear without anyone knowing. But why the dating sites then? I’m trying so hard and everything is against me. I had a couple of messages which were promising and then I told them about my breast cancer and they decided not to progress our friendship. One of them just couldn’t cope with it, another one’s wife had passed from the same disease. Fair enough. But none of that helps me. A wall no matter which way I turn. I try to help myself and get shot down in flames. I have so had enough

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39

@Jae1604 I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I tried a dating site when my husband died 9 years ago, and lo and behold, I found love again. He died a little over 3 months ago. I’m trying again, but not much hope at my age. Yes, those places are full of scams, and given everything else you,and me, are probably better off without.

I’m used to my own company, an only child, and have now lived alone for 9 years. Ron would call, twice daily, ( we did not live together) now silence. So I know, I have talked to no one but doctors and clerks for over a week.

I find checking in here has been very helpful, and I’m glad you’re here. It seems most important now, that you focus on your health, and perhaps find a grief group or therapy, if you like

I’m glad you have your daughter, dogs and other reasons not to disappear. You’ve made it over a year, you’re a survivor! I wish you peace and healing. Cindy :mending_heart:

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Not felt the need to try dating sites. I’ll never find the love I had from my beautiful husband so won’t go there. Not interested at all..

I’m sorry to read that you had your own health issues, so very difficult when that special person isn’t with you to make everything better.

Such a hard path we are on. Hugs to you xx

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