It’s been a year since my mum passed and in that year I feel like I have lost myself (2025) i gained weight and then lost it but gained it back again through grief I sometimes look in the mirror and don’t recognise myself I have decided that I will do walks in the morning and I will exercise at night I feel like I have lost my spark and don’t know how to get it back because my mum (age 44) helped me get it back and I feel like I have to do it on my own I have a loving partner but it’s a struggle I wonder if anyone has advice on how to get the spark back, how to get me back who I was before she passed I don’t wanna feel ugly and disgusting because I’m not a ugly person (sorry if that sounds egotistical) but I feel like I’m on the right track I just need motivation and confidence back honestly could anyone give advice.
Hi @Jacksmart
I remember that feeling, I know it sux. My mom passed 5 years this April, she was my safety net, she was my warm hug when I felt scared or alone, or was struggling with life’s challenges, I still miss her so much.
Firstly, advice wise, I would say, grieving is a process, & it’s important to work through your feelings in your own way, at your own pace, it can’t be rushed, but also that you are entitled to your feelings, so no-one has the right to tell you when to move on, this is your grief journey. The walking thing is a great idea, it’s good to breathe & take some time for you. Just an idea, if you feel comfortable to, maybe look up different places to walk in your local area.
I’m not sure what to say about “the spark”, being honest, sorrow never leaves you where it found you, but in time you learn to look at the world with new eyes, & a new perspective, but this is not necessarily a bad thing in that sense, more like life before was like a caterpillar, grief being the cocoon, & eventually you can emerge as a new butterfly 
.
Something that helped me, I wrote down my thoughts & memories of mom, things I learned from her, this helped me get straight in my mind how I want to remember her, but also I took some time to think about my life, what & who’s important, trying to give me focus.
As a therapeutic technique, I also write stories about things that have happened, but in a storybook form, & the people in my life are the characters in my story, it doesn’t have to be perfect, but again, I find it helps me process things that have happened, & look at those characters perspectives.
Sending hugs of support
